I'm WHERE!
by Cat McDougall
Summary: The diary of Sarana Jakeson, following a slight mishap in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: **Mercedes Lackey owns all pertaining to Valdemar, Velgarth, Heralds and Companions. I own only my Original Characters and Plot.

**A/N:** _Tis the return of I'm WHERE?! Rewritten so far, and continuing. Updates will be sporadic according to how my original goes._

**Chapter 1:**_The Blue Ridge Mountains_

I glanced out the window of the late model sedan that I was a passenger in and sighed in pleasure as the landscape changed from the gentle fields to rolling hills that precluded the Blue Ridge Mountains. I had really been looking forward to this for months. It was the only thing that made my 24-7 job worth while.

Don't get me wrong I loved my job but I loved my two weeks in the mountains every six months, so much more. Here, I could come upon a doe and fawn and not worry about them trashing my car. Or I could see a falcon riding the thermals and then dive with no warning for a morsel down on the land below. Up there I could imagine myself anyone or anything. I didn't have to worry about a schedule or about time. I only had to keep careful track that I was on the agreed upon spot in a fortnight.

_'Ahhh, I can smell it now. It won't be too long before I pass the Ranger station and I'm on my own.'_ Such thoughts sustained me these last few miles.

"Now you be careful up here, Sarana." My employer and friend, Bill Gillespe, warned me. "We will be waiting at the rendezvous point in two weeks. The children will be glad to have you back." I glanced at the middle-aged man, amused.

I chuckled at his thinly veiled plea. Every time I went on one of these hikes, he was always worried that I wouldn't come back. But I'd been doing this for over ten years. I am only twenty, but my mother had started me on these hikes as a child. It had been our time when I was a kid. In a family of eight, me being the only girl, mom and I needed "girl time". "Don't worry, Mr. Gillespie. I'll be there, right on time. And you'll only be without me tonight. Charlie will be there tomorrow morning." I didn't add what I wanted to, which was "as always."

Charlie was one of my best friends. She was an illustrator of children's books and gladly took two weeks every six months to care for the children that were normally my charges. She was just as great with them as the Gillespies swore I was. The good thing about being a full time nanny was that I could follow my preferred career of writing.

Granted, I hadn't actually _sold_ a story yet. Several of my manuscripts were still out there. Hopefully, when I returned there would be _some_ form of communication waiting for me. Still, I was good at it. I knew that. Just wish the publishers and editors did.

"I know, Sarana, but we still miss you." He said pulling off the highway, onto the access road that led up to the Ranger station, also pulling me out of my thoughts.

I had sucked in a breath. We were so close. I could almost feel the freedom calling to me as we pulled into the gravel parking lot. Mr. Gillespie parked the car and I almost bolted out of the door but managed to control myself. Sedately, most calmly, I got out of the sedan and waited while he opened the trunk. I threw my camera around my neck with the high power binoculars and reached in to get my pack. Grunting as I slung it up on my back, I started to buckle it into place and then stopped with a grimace. I had forgotten. A new policy in the National Park was that all "backtrail" hikers had to have their packs checked at the Ranger station before heading out. There they would get their pass that anyone could see that they had been inspected and that they were passed to be out on the trails.

Mr. Gillespie watched me, concern written on his face. I smiled, trying to give him reassurance that I knew what I was doing. Apparently it didn't work. His face still bore the look, as I finished grabbing things out of the trunk, shutting it carefully, the thud startling near by birds into squawking flight.

So I just shouldered the pack and trudged up to the Ranger station. Mr. Gillespie waiting outside to see if I needed to run back to the last town we had passed for any supplies. Inside, an older Ranger sat behind a desk arrayed with a computer and radio, with a very large map on the wall behind her. I glanced at it briefly, seeing trails denoted in different colors and campsites pegged out carefully. I walked up and cleared my throat politely since she was staring at the computer screen intently. The Ranger looked up with a smile. "Put your bag on the table and give me a sec." She looked back at the screen, tapping a few keys and moving the mouse a bit as I dropped my backpack with a sigh. Before the day was out I would gladly drop it.

Finally, the Ranger stood and stretched, coming around the desk to inspect the pack. She glanced over the craftsmanship of the pack, making sure all was in good repair. (I had already done that and sighed with relief that it was still in good repair.) She said nothing as she continued her inspection. So I stood and waited. She then began unpacking the pack and I barely held in a groan. It was hard enough packing the dang thing but to have to repack it before I even hit the trail was downright annoying!

Then she repacked it. I handed over my fanny pack so she could inspect that as well, since it contained a lot of my smaller things that I didn't want buried in the large one. Finally, she smiled and handed it back to me. "Well, young lady, it looks like you're prepared for everything short of nuclear fallout." She said chuckling a bit. I laughed as well, relieved that she hadn't found anything missing. That meant the trails would be all mine. She handed over an eliminated pass. I could barely contain my excitement. The time had come! Let the hiking begin!

Outside, I said my "see ya laters" to Mr. Gillespie. He admonished me one more time to be careful, a still concerned look on his face. I just turned away, unable to reassure him any more. Before he had even put the car into reverse, I was on the trail and into the wilderness.

I breathed deeply of the cleaner mountain air. Around me I could almost forget that I lived in the modern world. All around me, nature thrived and pulsed with life. I could hear birds calling to each other. Somewhere surely there were deer and elk grazing, without threat from guns or humans. I hoped to see them. Life was buzzing around me. It infused me with a sense of well being that only nature could provide.

* * *

Six days into my trip I'd already taken one roll of film. I smiled to myself reloading my camera. There were still four blank rolls in my pack. My steps came easier with every mile I walked. Every turn in the trail still brought a surprise for me.

It probably always would. No matter how long you looked at something, no matter how often, there was always something new to see. Or at least, that's how I found things. Or how they found me. All a matter of perspective really.

I enjoyed this so much. The one draw back to hiking the "back country" in the Blue Ridge Mountains was that I had to stop each night in my designated campsite. If I wasn't there and checked in, they'd give me a few hours after day break, and then send out the search and rescue teams. I preferred to camp on the trail but bent to the rules so that I could keep coming back.

If I lost my mountains, I'd probably be gnawing on the furniture within a year. I felt more… well more _alive_ out here than anywhere else. Born and raised in a city I may have been, but I was at home out here.

Luckily these back trails were inaccessible to horses and pets and the like. So, I only had wild scat to worry about. Still it made life interesting. Overhead a bird of prey screamed and I looked up seeing a hawk, too far away to see what type, dive for some food I couldn't see below. So I walked on into the evening. I was a good couple hours hike from the next campsite, if I hustled. Which of course I had no plan of doing. I had pretty good night sight and not one, but two high power flashlights. So, I was quite happy to just idle along and make the campsite a bit late.

The Rangers tended to frown on it, but never said anything against it. Night hiking didn't bother me. Not really anyways. Besides, I did have the night lens on my camera and a flash. I could get some really nice night pictures. The nocturnal animals would make a nice addition to my photo albums (of which there were almost more than my books) back at the Gillespies.

Have you ever noticed just when things are going the best, when you're sure life is great, Fate reaches out and smacks you right on the back of your head? Well, they also say the best laid plans are the ones that end up in the worst disasters. So ready to hear my spectacular disaster? And it was singularly a spectacular disaster.

Anyways, I was walking along the trail which was pretty clear, when something just off of it caught my eye. Honestly I thought I saw some of the elk herd they had reintroduced into the area. So, prepping my camera and making sure I actually had film in it (I had done that once: taken almost a whole roll of pics of some spectacular wildlife only to find out there was no film in the darn thing!) I walked off the path into the woods. I was hoping to get some really nice shots of the elk. I had seen footage of them on the web and wanted to see some for myself.

Well, anyways. Being careful to watch where I put my feet, not only because I didn't want to trip on anything but I didn't want to step _into_ anything. So even as carefully as I was watching my steps, _something_ was bound to happen. And it did. Boy did something ever happen! I had almost gotten into a good spot when I saw the herd. Elk. Just what I had wanted, right there below me. The head stag (or what I assumed was the head stag) stood in stately repose.

Elk, and really all deer, were absolutely beautiful. This one more than most. I can't ever really decide if they, or the majestic birds-of-prey, are my favorite animals. Then again, there are horses, or cats. Cats I like simply for their "I really don't need you humans, ya know." attitude. But I digress. Again.

I pulled my camera up and quickly snapped off a few shots just of him. He was gorgeous! I just couldn't believe my luck! Looking around I saw mothers with young and a few young males hanging around as well. Thank you Lady of the Lake! (Sorry forgot to tell you: I'm a pagan.) Here in one spot were all the pictures I had really wanted to take. So, creeping forward, keeping my camera in front of my face, I never saw the drop off. I crept forward, keeping to cover so that they wouldn't spot me and hoping the wind wouldn't shift and send my scent down to them. Keeping them in my sight, I kept moving snapping off shots as I saw one that caught my fancy. As I was almost out of film I took another step into thin air.

Thin air is not something I recommend you try stepping on. Firstly, it doesn't hold your weight at all. Secondly, its always a shock when you begin that fall. Thirdly, well, there's the whole sudden stop at the end.

Down I went, falling quite fast, unable to stop myself. The bottom hadn't seemed that far away. Oddly enough, I saw the elk herd go into flight, hearing my fall. Finally I saw the base approaching, way too fast for my comfort. So, as I hit another bump and was turned about again, I cursed myself, my foolishness and my carelessness. Then all went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **The esteemed Mercedes Lackey owns everything pertaining to Valdemar, Velgarth, Heralds and Companions. I own only my own observations, plot, and original characters.

**A/N:** _I've been asked why I'm rewriting this. Frankly because it needed it. The length wasn't up to my standard, the story needed expanded on and the plot changed a bit. So it's getting rewritten._

**Chapter 2:** _WHAT?!_

Everything ached. Not like an 'Oh geez I just fell down a hillside,' ache though. That puzzled me. I assumed it meant that I had been found, rescued and probably air-lifted to a hospital and had been here a while, under the influence of wonderful modern painkillers. So, it didn't bother me that things didn't ache as much as they probably should have. Perfectly logical reasoning right? That's probably what you'd believe right? Well, let me tell you, my reality wasn't so sweet.

-Of course, reality is all an illusion, created by our subconscious, so that some things within our lives might make sense occasionally. We delve into fantasy to escape that reality so that for a short time we can ignore it. But one man's fantasy is another's reality. You'll see what I meant in a moment.-

I opened my eyes to a bare green-walled room. In a bed. Nothing wrong yet right? What struck me first was the complete lack of medical equipment. I mean, no IVs, no heart monitor telling everyone I was still alive. No oxygen machine pumping that life giving gas into my lungs. No clear glass wall with a door so that as everyone went by they could peep in and make sure everything was still functioning ok, me included. So none of that stuff was needed? No, that couldn't be right. I had been rescued. After who knows how long in the wild, and not even an IV was needed? I have _no_ medical training at all but even I knew that wasn't right. The first thing most hospitals _did_ was put in an IV. So what did that mean? How long had I been out? I felt not too bad but still stiff and sore. Ok, so that meant maybe a week, if no bones were broken.

Quickly I checked myself. Nope, no casts. So, no broken bones. I ran an experimental hand over my face. No, obvious bandages. Ok...now what? Well, _you_ lay in bed for a week. First things first. Stupid as it sounds, let's test the legs. Granted, I probably should have found a way to yell for someone, but I _like_ doing things for myself. No matter how stupid it might be.

So, easing myself up, mindful of the pulled muscles, scrapes, bruises and various other injuries, I first got into a sitting position. Ok, not too bad. The head was going to stay attached though I wasn't real sure I wanted it to. So, first step completed. Next, to swing the legs to the floor. Throwing back the covers I groaned at the sight of my legs. I am a fair skinned person to begin with. Now, however, my legs were a collage of purples and black and greens and even reds. Lady I looked bad! The last thing I wanted was to see myself in a mirror. Then again, my face didn't feel that bad except for the ostrich egg on the back of my head.

Swinging my legs to the floor, took some time, since they actually didn't hurt as bad as they should have and I just couldn't convince myself of that. So now, feet flat on the floor, I pushed a little and up I was. Oops, down I went. Ok, a little dizzy and definitely sore, but nothing I couldn't handle. Grabbing the side table, I attempted to stand again. This time I made it. I was leaning practically sideways on the table but I was upright, sort of anyways. Now taking small shuffling steps, I made it from the table to the chair, then on to the little screened area off to the side.

I looked behind it, hoping for a toilet but found a little pot instead. 'What the hell?' I had to go; it was convenient. So finding it harder than it looked, I got my bladder taken care of and shuffled back to the bed. That was another thing. I wasn't wearing one of those, show the world, back open, hated hospital gowns. No, this was an actual nightgown, with short sleeves, buttons on the front and about shin length. I certainly didn't own anything like that. I usually wore either a t-shirt and shorts or a t-shirt and sweat pants depending on the weather. Now, that was strange.

I had shuffled back to the bed and eased myself down. Grimacing as I fixed the pillow behind me, I sat down to study my surroundings. I didn't see my pack but I was sure I could ask whoever came in where it was. Another thing that was odd, no phone. Who had ever heard of a hospital room without a phone? Not in my lifetime. Even the ICUs had phones in them. And no mirror, sink or anything resembling a bathroom. So where the hell was I?

Odd feelings began to creep up my spine, making the hairs on the back of my neck, the ones right over the ostrich egg, stand up. Even _they_ hurt. When my pain nerves finally caught on to the fact that I was awake, I was truly going to regret it. Good thing for me, that right now, they were a bit sluggish to respond.

That's when the footsteps approached my room. They didn't strike me as the no nonsense, angel of mercy, nurse's steps either. These sounded... well, different. Also there was a swishing sound that I usually associated with long skirts, but what nurse or doctor wore long, flowy skirts? Weirder and weirder. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I saw a nurse in skirts.

So, what to do? Do I pretend to still be unconscious? Or do I greet them cheery and alert from my bed? Nope, not the last one. On my good days, I couldn't _fake_ cheery. Today was definitely not a good day. So cheery was out. I certainly couldn't attack whoever was coming in. Well, not physically anyways. More than one of my brothers had said I had a tongue that should be registered as a lethal weapon. Should I attack them verbally? Naw, I'd be polite as long as they gave answers. I could do polite, sort of.

The footsteps stopped at the door. I got a little worried, maybe they weren't coming in after all. Shit I needed answers! I held my breath. If they didn't come in I would yell and get them in here. Then the knob turned and in walked someone.

What the hell? It was a _kid_! Ok a teenager but _still_! I mean there are laws against that right? Children are not allowed to work right? This kid was not old enough to hold down a job. So what? I was in someone's house in the back woods somewhere? I died and went to Deliverance?

That thought brought me up rather short. I mean I could be stuck here. Every bad soap opera and movie raced through my brain in that moment. But the whole "holding he girl captive in the backwoods for the sons" was just a myth right?

Right?

"Oh, you're awake. Wonderful!" Have I mentioned I don't do cheery? Cheery is the only word to describe this girl. She was wearing a light green robe. Ya know the kind… The ones you always see Brit lawyers wearing in those PBS things. A robe, a kid, no modern equipment. Oh hell... what happened to me? My head started pounding in that moment, as I tried thinking far too hard. "How do you feel?" She asked, looking at me with a seriousness that in someone that young was eerie. "You took quite a knock on the head. We were worried about you." She came near and began poking around at my head.

"Hey! Whoa kiddo!" At least she stopped. I ignored the pounding in my head completely, my hands raised to hold her off, though it appeared I didn't need to. "Why don't you go find an adult for me to talk to? Playing doctor is all fine and stuff but I'm not going to be your patient."

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Well, I _did_ fall down a hill, but it felt all in tact to me. "Well, if you'd be more comfortable, I could go get the Healer." I nodded. That was exactly what I wanted her to do. She sighed and left, muttering under her breath._'Well ya know what kid?'_ I thought to myself, leaning back against the headboard with a wince before grabbing another pillow to stick behind it. Didn't help the thumping much but at least there wasn't a sharp edge poking at it._ 'I prefer an adult to go poking around not some kid with fantasies. I mean who do you think you are Doogie Howser?' _That thought would have brought a snigger to me if my head wasn't pounding so bad.

She soon came back, with an _actual_ adult behind her. This one also wore green robes although hers were a much darker green than the kid's. "So, Linna tells me you're awake. And I see you're sitting up as well. Very good. We'll have you up and around in no time. Now, how do you feel? Dizzy? Nauseous? No? Great. Better than I had thought you would be." All during this little speech, she'd been waving her hands over me like some sort of psychic healer. "Well, bumps, bruises a few scrapes but you're doing quite well. Now do you remember what happened?" Now she sat in the chair beside me.

For a moment I was silent, studying the graying woman sitting there. She was calm and collected. Almost too calm. You know the ones, they practically _radiate_ peace. People like that always seem a bit false to me. Yet, for some odd, completely unknown reason, she didn't.

Finally, I nodded, knowing what this was. I had seen enough bad soap operas and cheesy medical shows to know that she was checking me for memory loss. "I remember. I was out hiking, trying to get pictures of this herd of elks and ended up falling down a ridge." Now I shrugged. "No, big deal, happens all the time right?" She nodded, not really looking like she believed my story. Behind her the door suddenly opened and several people came in. All but two were wearing white. One was in gray and the other looked to be wearing what every writer had ever described as an Elven Scout's outfit. He wasn't bad looking either. Even though his hair was a freaky bleached out white color.

I wondered what was going on. They didn't look like any police or Rangers _I_ knew of. And wasn't there some confidentiality law that said random people couldn't just barge into a patient's room? Besides, I was in a _nightgown_. That put me at a disadvantage. That really bothered me. Especially since I didn't know who these people were or what was going on.

The Healer stood and spoke to them in a very low voice which I strained to hear and then left, leaving me alone with these people. Ok. Maybe I _had_ died and gone to heaven or the afterlife or maybe even hell. Wherever I was, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto. Soon all their attention was turned on me. I had a creepy feeling that whatever I was going to be told I was not going to like it. I already didn't like it and all they were doing was looking at me. Also, I had the bad feeling the doctor, or Healer, or whatever, was talking about me. I _can't stand_ being talked about as if I'm not there.

"Hello. You've caused quite a stir around here. Can you tell me your name?" This from one of the women in white. Not a bad outfit but with my complexion and red hair, white makes me look like a ghost. She settled into the chair so recently vacated by the older woman. Her brown hair looked about like mine did after I washed it and let it air-dry, combed and cared for, but not willing to hold _any_ sort of style at all.

"My name is Sarana Jakeson." Before she could ask another question, I held up a hand. _No_ way they were getting information until I had some of my own. "I'll answer all of your questions but first you got to answer some of mine." All of them shared a glance but she nodded. "How long was I out?" I'd start there and work my way up. Good news/bad news sort of thing. Let's get the better news done first.

"About a week."

Ok not that bad. I had guessed about right then. So, on to the next easy one. "Where's my pack? It had all my stuff in it. I'd like it back." Like my camera. If I fell down a hill trying to get those shots, I want the pictures at least as _some_ compensation.

Again that shared look. Now what was really going on here? "We will have it returned to you." She said easily. Nice of them considering it was mine to begin with.

Now the hard one. I took a deep breath to fortify myself. "Where am I?" There was another shared look. They were really getting on my nerves. Something seemed to pass between several of them, though their faces seemed to go blank for a moment.

She smiled now. Apparently, for her that was the easy one. "Healer's Collegium." That name rang a few bells in my head but nothing popped up. She must have seen the blank look on my face because she continued. "Healer's Collegium, in Haven the Capital of Valdemar. I am Queen's Own Talia...."

_What?!_ I didn't die and go to hell. I died and went to_ Valdemar?_ I fell down a hill and ended up in a fantasy novel?


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Mercedes Lackey owns all pertaining to Valdemar, Velgarth, Heralds and Companions. I am merely borrowing them.

**A/N:** _Third chapter done already. I really shouldn't write when in a bad mood._

**Chapter 3:** _Head Injuries_

They must have seen the horrified look on my face because again they shared that odd look. Looking at them now, I recognized who they were from the descriptions in the books. I covered my face to hide my hysterical laughter.

I fell down a hill, bumped my head and now I am in Valdemar? Ok, time for reasonable explanations: First, I fell and hit my head hard and this is all delusions. Or, better yet, this was all a delusional dream that would go away when I did wake up out of my coma. As I looked around, I got the really bad feeling that I really _had_ ended up in Valdemar.

Ending up falling down a hill wasn't bad enough? I have to be transported, teleported, _whatever_, into an entirely new reality? I just couldn't fathom it, and frankly my head was beginning to remind me of the large egg on the back of it. Thinking really was a bad occupation of my time.

I looked at them and grimaced. Ok, what to do? Start off with the fact that they _were_ going to be sending me back! I wanted to go home and they were going to do it. After all, they were the Heralds right? Well, and a Tayledras Adept. They were the ones who redefined _impossible_. So, sending me back, at least to the Blue Ridge, shouldn't be too much of a problem. All the Companions could throw in their lot. With all _that_ power backing an Adept, a simple Gate would be nothing. Hearken to the non-magic using person who knows _nothing_ about it.

"Let me guess. Someone found me unconscious in the Grove in Companion's field." It was stated flatly. I wasn't going to give them leeway or an opening.

Talia nodded. The look on her face said she really wasn't sure what was going on, but she'd play along till she got her own answers. _'Sorry, little miss Empath, not till I get mine.'_ I thought rather nastily.

I started looking them over one by one. Then I started pointing them out individually. "So, if you're Talia, that means we also have Alberich," The one in gray's face never changed as he kept an eye on me. That look was rather unnerving, so I just plodded on. "Darkwind," The hunky scout, arms crossed over his chest, nodded to me slowly. I glanced at him. Those blue eyes never wavered from me. Freaky. "Dirk, lifebonded of Talia," The other one in white, nodded slowly as he leaned against the doorway. The books described him as 'homely'. Actually, he wasn't that bad looking. At least in my opinion. "And that would mean that you are," I thought for a moment. Couldn't be Skif too tall. Couldn't be Dean what's his name. Teren. That was it. Again too tall from what I had read. So who? Ahh. That would make sense especially since Elspeth wasn't here, although she was probably getting minute by minute updates from Darkwind. "And you must be Prince Daren." That put them back on they're heels. They hadn't expected that.

Then again, I realized, as another shot of pain raced through my head, I probably should have kept my mouth shut. This knock on the brain casing was making me far too loquacious for my own good.

So, now to shock them a bit more. Stupid bump on the noggin! "Let's see," I said, pretending to consider. One thing I've been blessed, or cursed, with is a memory for subtle details. I couldn't remember what day of the week it was, but ask me what color a certain character was wearing in a specific scene of a movie I had only seen once and I'd be right. Made me a great Jeopardy player at times. Usually cleaned up at Trivial Pursuit too. Annoyed my elder brothers to no end. Especially since they always wanted to not have me on their team.

"Talia is Chosen of Rolan. Alberich got Kantor, in the middle of a fire that had been set to kill him." I really needed to get a leash on my tongue. "Daren, in the middle of battle, got chosen by Jasan and is lifebonded to the dear Queen Selenay, whose Companion is Caryo. Dirk belongs to Ahrodie, and Talia too, of course. Darkwind, being Tayledras, or 'Hawkbrother', is not bonded to any Companion. Instead, he has a very nice bird, Vree by name, forestgyre by species. Then, of course there is someone else here though not many know his name." I looked slyly at Alberich and wondered just how much I could get away with. Nah, better not push my luck. There was a reason he'd never taken out his sword down at Exile's Gate: he didn't need to. So, better to keep my mouth shut and blackmail him later.

Finally, the tongue stopped flapping. Honestly, I blame it all on the knock on the head. I can be very closed mouthed. Some even say sullen and withdrawn. I prefer to keep it as the old adage my Grandmother taught me: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Hence my normally closed mouth.

"Well, never mind about that," I said, flapping my hand. "So, I'm in Valdemar. From the looks of all of you I would say that it is after the Mage Storms." I looked at them shrewdly. My eyes tried to narrow but that egg reminded me just why I was in Healers. "So, after the Mage Storms and I would say after k'Valdemar was established. Which means no Firesong or Silverfox." I sighed heavily and rolled my eyes. "My two faves and do I get plopped down near them? No! I end up in Haven under the watchful eyes of the Queen's Own and old Stone-Face."

Did I really say that out loud? Again, I blame the head injury.

They were all giving me strange looks as I ranted at my self a bit. I shrugged. Who cares? Let them. Besides, I have this rather large headache to blame it on. Maybe it would convince them to send me back all that much faster. "So, I miss out on the peacock and the sweet _kestra'chern_. So, with at least Elspeth here, and the Companions boosting her power, and some of the other Herald-Mage Trainees, we should be able to get me back pretty quick." I rubbed my hands and shifted a bit. My back was beginning to hurt. I really was falling apart at the seams. "So, shouldn't take too long. If you'll just gather everyone together and give me back my stuff, I'll gladly be on my way."

Again there were those looks exchanged. Uh oh, this didn't look good. They were _not_ going to tell me that I couldn't go home! No way was I staying here. I had responsibilities. Family. A guy who had just asked me out! Come on, I couldn't just be stuck here!

"Well, you see that might be a problem." Darkwind said, clearing his throat. "No one is quite sure how you got here. So we're not sure we can send you back. Or, honestly, how to." He shrugged, looking a bit sheepish. "We've been trying for a week to reopen a Gate to where you were, but we can't. No matter who we use, it just isn't working. I'm sorry, but it looks like you're staying here for a while."

Like _hell_ I was! I repeated the words out loud. The volume of my words ripped through the now throbbing appendage masquerading as my head atop my shoulders. "You go get your mate and contact every Vale you can and get everyone here. You guys are somehow responsible for bringing me here and dammit you will send me home!" Honestly, it was the head injury that made me do that. By the time I was done, I was half out of my bed, screaming at the top of my lungs and hopping mad. Well, maybe not _hopping_. That particular past time was beyond my physical capabilities at the moment. The strength went out of my legs, suddenly, and I ended up falling, very ungracefully, back onto my bed.

_'Shit!' I_ thought, grimacing as I pulled myself back into the bed. My bruises were starting to remind me that they were there and not all that old. My arms shook slightly and didn't want to support me as I eased back into my pillow again. They had tried to help but I waved them off. I didn't want their help. I wanted to go home! Besides, if they touched me, and I didn't wake up, it would make it all the more real. This just couldn't be real. It couldn't.

I fought back the tears, I could feel burning the back of my eyes. Whether they were of pain or despair, I honestly don't know. They would do me no good, however, and I would not show weakness in front of these people. Ever. Instead I cleared my throat a little, prepared to say something more. A Healer came running into the room, stopping my rather loose tongue and whatever _else_ was going to come running out. "Please, keep it down. Screaming will do you no good." She said to me, brushing past the Heralds.

Yeah, my head was trying to remind of that.

"Neither will they." I said, nastily. "Get them out, please." With that I lay down, turning away from them. My head was glad to have me horizontal again and quieted down to just a nasty throbbing instead of the intense stabbing it had been doing. I heard the Healer bustling them out and their low murmur of talk as they left. Undoubtedly about my lack of respect and rather loose tongue.

The Healer came right back after closing my door. "Anything I can get for you?" She asked softly.

I'm afraid I wasn't in the mood to be mollified. Not even by a Healer. "No," I said, miserably. "I don't need any painkillers and the one thing I do want you can't give me." I heard her turn to leave but stopped her for a moment. Something had occurred to me and she would be the one with the authority to do it. "Keep them out please until I am back on my feet. I don't want to face them from my bed again." I looked over my shoulder at her. "Please?" She pursed her lips like she didn't like it but she nodded and agreed anyways. I heard the door click closed behind her.

The tears came unbidden and just a moment later. They were ones of pain, loss and not a little self pity. I let them soak into my pillow. If what they said was true, then I was stuck here. Why couldn't I have ended up in someone else's book? Star Wars would have been nice. Always had a thing for Luke, and Han, and Lando. Or maybe Tolkien. I fell in love with elves when I was younger, and seeing the Hobbits would have been cool. Then as always there was Aragorn. I had a thing for royalty. Well, some royalty anyways, I should say. Then I could have been a little happier. Maybe.

But _no_! I get stuck in the freaking Camelot of fantasy. Heralds with morals way too straight laced for me. Horses that could read my mind if I wasn't careful. Deer that I couldn't eat and not only that but could take over my mind if they needed to. Birds that were intelligent and almost two times a wild one's size. Yippee.

I was still crying. I couldn't really stop. So I did whatever I usually did to block out whatever my current reality was. Wincing slightly as I sat up, I got myself into as comfortable as I could. I closed my eyes and opened my heart. Feeling my breathing slow and my heart calm, as always, comforted me. The head was still pounding, but that pain was easily shunted away. Where I was going, no pain ever intruded. I shut out everything around me. Noises faded away. Soon there was nothing around me but a black void. Then, I began filling in that void.

First, the large oak tree, draped lovingly with mistletoe. Then, the grass surrounding it, green as only new grass can be early in the springtime, soft and covered with an early morning dew. After that, the tinkling spring, laughingly rolling over the small smooth rocks that lay in its path. After it, the clear blue sky. A slight breeze to stir the air and keep it fresh. Next came the animals. A small lark, whistling softly in the oak. A wolf lying lazily in the warm sun next to the water. A blue crane, slowly wading through the water. A bear poked its head out from behind the tree. None of them bothered me, however.

_They _were the residents of this place. I was the interloper here. I let them be, they let me be. It was as it should be. Leaning back against the tree, I ignored all else, including the still real physical pain my body was trying to tell me about. It would heal in time. Stiff muscles would loosen; scrapes and bruises would fade. That thing on my shoulders protesting everything I did would eventually shrink and become a head again.

I sighed and looked out over the small clearing I had built for myself. A slight green glow began to surround it. _'What the hells?!'_ I asked myself, quickly, sitting up straighter. What was that? I didn't recognize it at all. The green glow began to brighten to join a golden one that began to surround the clearing. None of the animals seemed too disturbed by it, but I'd never seen anything like it at all.

Finally the light became too much to look at and I put an arm over my face, as suddenly I was ripped from my meditation and back into blackness and my physical body.


	4. Chapter 4

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Disclaimer: The esteemed Mercedes Lackey owns all pertaining to Valdemar, Velgarth, Heralds and Companions. I do not.

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A/N: _What do you do when you're blocked? Go back and do a rewrite of one already written!_

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Chapter 4: _Healing Truths_

It wasn't that much later, if the angle of the sun was anything to go by, that I returned to myself, sitting slightly stiff in my bed. The first thing I noticed was that my bruises were gone. Not just faded but _gone_. Ok, I could live with that. The second thing I noticed was the non pounding of the brain casing. Ahh, to feel human again. I stretched, popping joints and a few stray muscles back into place. So, now I was ready. First though to find some clothes. I stood, still feeling a bit wobbly, but definitely better than when I had got up the first time. I looked around and saw the armoire in one corner. Alright then, I quickly walked over to it.

Aha! There they were. My bag was in the bottom. But it wasn't really my bag. It looked like a hiker's back pack with all of the aluminum supports removed and tie closures instead of the zippers it had. Oh well, I shrugged and picked it up, tossing it easily on the bed. It was way too light to be holding the stuff I'd had in it. So, I opened it and began digging through.

There were my changes of clothes, extra socks, underwear, and my extra blanket. But no matches, lantern, camera, film, binoculars. All of it was gone. Huh? Only the high tech stuff was gone. Everything that could be "transferred" had been. All my clothing, my two water bags (hate canteens I'd bought these at the local reservation), my moccasin hikers and most of my first aid kit were still there. Well, that certainly puts paid to my ideas of getting pictures of Valdemar and taking them back with me. Maybe even a snapshot of a Companion. Wouldn't that be something? Oh well. I pulled out my jeans and a fresh top and got dressed. Ahh that felt good. Jeans that fit well and a sport top with built in sports bra. At least the elastic survived the shift. So. On go the clothes off goes the nightgown. Now definitely more comfortable. I grabbed the brush that had also come and ran it through my hair. I'd give anything for a mirror. So time to go exploring. I looked through the room first.

Bingo! Mirror hidden in the top drawer of the bedside table. I picked it up and looked at myself. Not too bad considering I had fallen down a mountain. My face was not injured at all. So, brushing out my hair, I found something to hold it back after I had braided it tightly.

Of course, it failed to get noticed by me that just a few short hours -wait measurement switch, new reality, remember?- a few short _candlemarks_ ago my head was ready to fall off and I could barely walk. In fact the heavy, tight braid I had pulled my hair into wasn't causing me pain at all. I could get used to stuff like that.

Done there. Now. I repacked my bag quickly and slung it over my shoulders. My boots were on my feet. I had things packed. I cleaned up what little mess I had made: armoire door closed, side table straightened and mirror put back. So that done, I made the bed real quick and peeked out my door. Nothing, hallway empty. Good.

It also failed to come to my notice that the hall _shouldn't_ have been empty. Ever been in a hospital? Even in the deepest night there is _someone_ roaming the halls. This was evening, so dinner was plausible but not everyone would go at once. That's just silly.

I quickly slipped out of my room and latched the door softly behind me. So, on to the outside. I stole across the floor, whisper quiet. To the outside door. I looked out. No one on the grounds that I could see. But my black clothes would serve me well. The sun was setting in the west creating deep shadows along the buildings. I slunk out of Healers and into the deep shadows along the wall.

Around me, the warm air danced, teasing me with the scents of horses, summer grasses, and herbs in the gardens. Flowers perfumed the air, giving a lightness to the area that it didn't seem to have. In fact, standing there next to Healer's Collegium, I could feel the weightiness, the seriousness of what went on within those walls. It was a pretty odd feeling actually.

Crouching a bit so that I could not be seen through the windows, I stole in what looked to be the direction of the gate. So! Get out of the Palace, into Haven and get lost in the crowd. Out one of the gates and get direction to Errold's Grove. If I was gonna be stuck in Valdemar, dammit, I was gonna be where _I_ wanted to be. Good plan huh?

Remember what I said earlier about the best laid plans? You better believe it, the hands of Fate decided to intervene yet again. Right in front of me in the form of old Stone Face. "Going somewhere are you?" He said stepping out of the shadows and right into my path. He wore a scowl looking down at me. Honestly, if I hadn't grown up with my seven brothers and a mother would could stare down a raging bull, he would have had me shaking. As it was, all I did was quiver a bit.

I held in a squeak of surprise and instead swore very fluently under my breath in the languages my dear military brothers had so nicely taught me. (Not really, but you find out a lot hiding from them and hearing them curse. I don't think I ever learned what the words meant. Don't really think I want to either.) "Alight so I was under guard. Can't blame a girl for trying to get away can you?" That head injury still seemed to have a hold on my tongue though my head felt just fine.

All he did was take my arm and direct me back to Healers. _'Stupid fricking Heralds.' _I _knew_ this was going to be a disaster! When we got back in, there was my Healer from earlier looking at me and tapping a foot. You know I hate that pose some women take? Anyways she was standing there looking at me, waiting for some explanation. I just sighed and walked meekly back into my room. I do mean _meekly_. She scared me more than Stone Face did. Mainly because she was a Healer, who was frowning, and looked highly annoyed with someone. Mainly, me.

After setting down my pack I turned to face the people who were becoming my jailers. They looked at me until the Healer pointedly looked between the door and Alberich. He nodded and left, closing the door softly behind him. _'Well, thanks for that!'_ I thought to myself. The last thing I was going to do was strip in front of him. Herald or not! The Healer looked at me until I sat down. I did, still grumbling to myself in my head, where I was pretty sure she couldn't hear. They have ethics about that right? She stood there watching me. "Take off your pants. I want to see how you've gotten up and around so quickly with the injuries I _know_ you sustained." I almost winced. She sounded like my mother when she got ticked off.

I grumbled, but complied. Pealing off my jeans, I showed her what she hadn't expected to see, perfectly healed legs with no trace of bruising, scrapes or anything else. She inspected my legs very closely. (Almost too closely if you get my drift, made me a bit twitchy.) I pulled up my jeans when she was done. "Satisfied?" I asked, nastily. (Have I mentioned I'm usually a cranky person when with adults?)

"No," she said, shaking her head. "There is no way you should have been healed like that. Not that quickly and not without Healing which I know no one gave you." She looked at me crossly. "So how did you do it?" She sounded a bit put out with me. Like any of this was my fault! So I said the first thing that came to mind.

I shrugged, buttoning my pants. "Divine intervention?" I asked only semi serious. She snorted obviously not taking me seriously. Well, it was as good an explanation as _I_ had! After all, I'd never actually been Healed before. Certainly not while I was meditating!

She opened the door and nodded to Alberich, obviously seeing no other explanation forthcoming. Like I had one. He nodded back and came back into the room. He looked me up and down and then took my arm again. I barely had time to grab my bag before he dragged me out of the room and towards a low building I assumed from descriptions was the salle. But Alberich wasn't the weapons master anymore Jeri was, at least as far as I knew. Ok, so why was he taking me there?

Not only was he taking me, but I really hate being manhandled. Or girl handled. Or any _other_ type of handled. I didn't struggle though. Alberich actually _frightened_ me. I wasn't about to try out his reputation. No need for _this_ girl to have that demonstrated upon her person!

Our arrival at the salle dragged me out of my thoughts. I wondered if it was just going to be him and I alone, or would there be others waiting for us? I could hear a voice out around the side, calling over the sound of blade on blade. What's-her-face, the noble born Herald, must have been giving lessons. So who was inside waiting for me?

I saw the Companions watching us with interest. I wondered which ones were the ones I had named earlier. Who was who? Alberich just pulled me along. Who the hell did he think he was anyways? I was getting tired of being yanked around, again, once my wandering thoughts came back to the present. Then, I thought about it. This was Stone Face, Knives, the man who had a reputation down near Exile's Gate as one tough mother who had never had to pull his sword yet. So I went meekly along. No need to get myself killed right? Well, not yet at any rate.

He dragged me into the salle and into the backroom, which, if I remembered correctly were still his rooms. He opened the door and pushed me inside. I stumbled a bit crossing the threshold and went to open my mouth about the rough treatment, when my mind finally caught on to all the figures in white sitting around. They were all gathered about, some standing, some not. So I stood there as well, arms crossed, awaiting the interrogation. Alberich closed the door behind us and pushed me into a chair, leaning against the door. No escape there.

Have I mentioned I don't like being handled. I may have been small (at five-five and a mere one-forty, I was small) but a little respect please!

"I caught her trying to sneak out." He said softly, though I was sure the whole room heard it. Their eyes all turned to me. I kept my mouth shut. It seemed the head injury was wearing off. If they wanted answers, dammit, they could ask for them.

"Well, Sarana, I must say you have arrived here under some unusual circumstances." One of the figures in white, though hers was rather a bit more ornate and a skirt and shirt, rather than the pants the others wore. She had to be Selenay. I saw the others from my room earlier and bit back a groan. Could I fake polite? "So why don't you tell us all you understand, about your situation." She _was_ being very polite. So I guess I had to fake it.

I looked around the room. The lounging figure of a rather large cat caught my eye. The guy next to him wore robes of the priestly persuasion. I knew who they were. They'd work. "Altra, would you do me the kindness of invading my head for a bit while I explain things?" I turned to look at Stone Face. He'd have to do. He was the _only_ one I remembered could do the second level. For what I had to say, I wanted no doubts at _all_. "Herald Alberich, the second level truth spell if you would be so kind." Then I sat back and began to explain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** _Mercedes Lackey owns all to do with Valdemar, Velgarth, Heralds and Companions._

**Chapter 5:** _Outside the Lines_

By the time I was done, there were looks all around of disbelief but what could they do? I'd done what I'd done on purpose. They weren't going to accuse me of delusions or of having an overactive imagination. With the second level truth spell and me feeding images to Altra, what could they do _but_ believe me?

I sat back as Altra removed himself from my mind and Alberich released the truth spell. I could actually _Feel_ where Altra had been and almost tell where the Truth Spell had settled over me. It was an odd feeling. I looked around at the others in the room, studying them for the first time. They were looking at me and some had the blank looks on their faces that I assumed meant they were in Mindspeech. I glanced around, a quick flick of my eyes toward the door. Unfortunately, Stone Face was still quite alert. Well, that killed all prospects of me getting the hell outta here.

I _really_ didn't want to stay here. I had a bad feeling I was going to be stuck though. Honestly, I couldn't blame them. If you were smart, you didn't just let someone as unknown as me out to roam around the countryside.

Quiet reigned for several long moments while everyone digested all that had been told in the last candlemark. I didn't really blame them. Well not much. It was pretty hard to believe. Even for me and I was the one living it!

I waited for them to speak. I must admit I displayed a remarkable amount of patience waiting for them to decide my fate. Selenay was, expectedly, the first to speak. "Well, I can safely say you were not lying. As I'm sure you knew there is no way to lie either mind to mind or through a second level truth spell. Now the question is what to do with you." Her level gaze almost caused me to fidget. I wanted out of here. I hadn't gotten my two weeks of freedom and I was restless.

I had my own opinions about that but showed remarkable discretion in keeping my mouth shut. The only thing I wanted now was a little something to eat and a long trip to Errold's Grove. I wanted to meet Firesong and Silverfox before I did anything else here in Valdemar. Or, before anything else _happened_ to me. I mean there had been that green/gold glow around my place. Whatever it had been, I had a gut feeling that it was going to come back to haunt me eventually.

I sighed a little at that thought though I doubt anyone here caught it except maybe Talia. She was the only here that I could remember was an Empath. I hated my faulty memory at times! They talked a bit and I tuned them out until Altra butted his head against my knee.

Self-consciously, I came back to the conversation and started scratching the Firecat's ears. An avatar was acting extremely cat-like if his bonelessness at my scratching was anything to go by. Elspeth was the one to speak first. Seeing as she was the first Herald-Mage since Vanyel, I paid attention. "I think we should call Firesong from k'Valdemar. He has more experience in Gating than any of us here and should at least be able to give his opinion." Darkwind was nodding in agreement. Selenay also sighed and nodded.

She agreed with her eldest. "I agree. Call him here and while it will take him time to get here, I would like his opinion." She ran a hand over her forehead. "This is beyond any of us and whatever we decide to do with this young lady, I would like his opinions first."

Well, that got my wish granted to me pretty quickly didn't it? Still, they were talking about me like I wasn't there. I don't like that. "Hey!" I said, startling all of them except Altra, who was a pile of feline goo and hair, purring at the scratching. "Remember me? Sitting here listening to you! Don't I get a say in what happens to me?"

I think then that Selenay realized that the others had been telling her truly about our little "meeting" earlier. She gave me a startled look and I heard Alberich stand up from leaning on the door. Yeah right like I was going to attack Selenay in front of him! I wouldn't do it even without him around!

You know I think of all of them he was the one that scared me the most simply because I had never been able to figure him out through the books. All the others hadn't exactly been transparent but there had been enough to give you a rough idea of their characters. Alberich was just a mystery. You never really got much hint about what lay behind that face. Sure, he _was_ a Herald which meant basically a good person but he also had that other side. You know the one... Knives. Or whatever else he went by down at Exile's Gate.

I didn't like being under his gaze. It never wavered from me. That gaze was supremely unnerving. No wonder Trainees wilted underneath it. I barely kept from fidgeting and I was twenty!

I was a bit nervous but this was my life they were talking about in front of me and I wanted to know exactly what my choices were. "Look. This has all of us on edge. Me no less than any of you. None of you are the ones who fell down a hill and woke up in a world that you'd only known from books. I did. Now I'm being held prisoner."

Several looks were exchanged. At my choice of words, I assumed. Let's be honest though, I _was_ being held prisoner, no matter how polite they were going to be about it. "The least you could do is ask me what I want to do." They all looked at me like I'd grown a second head. Hey I can be reasonable at times. No, really. I can!

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Time to put the offer on the table. "I will agree to stay here until Adept Firesong k'Treva arrives." Considering I was planning on sneaking out of Haven just to see him, I wasn't going _anywhere_. "However, I will not be a specimen for mages, Healers or anyone else that decides to get a look at me." I wasn't a science experiment and I'm pretty sure the Healers could tell I was put together just as they were.

"I will need a room to stay in that everyone else stays out of, no matter what." I have privacy issues. It comes from being the youngest of eight and the _only_ girl. "I'll need a four inch board, about six feet long, braced and solid, raised about two feet off the ground." For those who don't recognize it, it's a balance beam. I used one for light toning exercises. Helped keep me in shape for my mountain treks. "And I'll need wood scraps." I had an idea teasing at the back of my mind about a way to make my own money. I looked around. No one seemed to be too put out about my requests. Of course, I was basically putting myself under their guard, with very little fuss even. "And I'll need Mr. Personality back there to give me back my knife." I jerked my thumb back towards the still silent Alberich.

Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I watched him. Alberich barely moved but I could feel his surprise that I had noticed the fact that my field knife rode his belt.

They all looked at each other and some consensus seemed to have been reached. Selenay nodded. "That all seems reasonable." She stood as did everyone else. Including me. I'd gotten all I'd wanted I could afford to be gracious. They all filed past me and out the door that Alberich kept open.

He shut the door after everyone had left and crossed his arms, looking at me. "Follow me." Again Mr. Personality. I followed anyways, hoping to find out something. He handed me back my knife, hilt first. I took it carefully and put it on my own belt. I'd examine it later. I glanced at him and he nodded at the door he held open.

I looked inside and then walked in. It was your basic bedroom. Four walls, a side table, an armoire and a bed were all that it had. It didn't bother me. My own bedroom before I'd left home had barely been more than a converted closet. I could fix this up. I threw my bag on the bed and looked around. I still had a change of clothes in my bag. Extra clothes would be first on the list but I'd let Alberich lead for now.

Have I mentioned he scares me? In case I haven't: he terrifies me. I don't _do_ dark and mysterious.

"So, what's first?" I asked, after giving the room a cursory glance, trying to get a feel for just how bad this imprisonment was going to be. There wasn't much here and I felt a need to be outdoors more than inside, for right now.

"You wait until orders are given." He went to close the door but I stopped it with a foot and my hand.

"I may be a prisoner but I won't be kept inside." I said, shoving past him. Honestly, I still blame the head injury. I turned toward the outside door. I could hear him following behind, my gray shadow. Well, he could just follow, or try to stop me. I _needed_ to be outside. "Stupid, arrogant, Karsite Captains." I muttered under my breath, wishing I knew what those words that I'd learned from my brothers meant. I'd gladly call Alberich some of them. No, make that _all_ of them.

I walked into Companion's Field near the salle. I thought I heard Alberich's footsteps fall back when I entered the Field, but my mind was on something else. I was looking for deadfall wood. Since I was stuck here, I guessed it was time to revive an old skill my grandfather had taught me: wood carving. I wasn't as good as he had been, but with time, I could turn out some decent pieces.

I had no money in a world I knew very little about. So, what could I do to either make money or make sure I had the things I wanted and needed in Haven? Eventually, I wanted to be able to make money enough to buy supplies to leave Haven but no one needed to know that just yet. I had a bad feeling that they'd try to stop me if they suspected it.

I picked up a few pieces here and there. I rejected most of them. They were either too rotten or hollow to do me any good. I found one piece and kept that one. It wouldn't be much use for a fancier piece but I could use it to practice on anyways. Faces had always been hard for me to do but, practice would hopefully make perfect. I inspected a few more, wandering a bit deeper until a large white form stepped in front of me, blocking my path. I had been so absorbed looking for wood, I forgot where I actually was.

I looked up at what I need had to be a Companion. The only question was which one? All Companions were described basically the same in the book, though one might be a little taller, or a little stockier. I looked this one over (Yes, I am a total coward. I would _not_ look into its eyes.). It was definitely a stallion, but I didn't know which one. "Which one are you?" I asked slightly nervous but not expecting an answer. I didn't think I had Mindspeech, but you never could tell and after having Altra in my head I wasn't in the mood for a horse to be there to. I liked having just me in there. I concentrated real hard on having a wall between my mind and any outside intrusion. I hoped it worked. I had _no_ idea what I was actually doing.

I looked around and didn't see Alberich, but that didn't mean much. I hadn't seen him before either, hence the whole me talking to a horse thing right now. I looked back at the ground again and began picking up more dead wood. I noticed the Companion stayed near by while others watched from a distance. "So," I started conversationally. "Are you Kantor?" A snort and a shake of the head. Wrong guess I suppose. I moved off looking for more wood. "Rolan?" Another snort, this one sounding amused. Don't ask _how _I could tell that. It just sounded like a sort of chuckle. "So, Jasan then?" This time I got nuzzled in the cheek. Correct guess I suppose.

I kept walking and looking. We came upon another Companion, another stallion. The two seemed to almost nod to each other in greeting. If they had been anything else I would have worried about two dominant males fighting, but, being what they were, I barely noticed the other before returning to looking for more wood. "And you must be Kantor?" The other bumped my shoulder as I bent to check another stick, almost oversetting me. I gave him a sour look, only getting an almost snicker in return. So now I had gained an escort of two Companions and lost the gray shadow.

I kept looking for wood until I had gained quite a pile. The two white shapes followed along with me. Oddly, I didn't find it uncomfortable to know that horses were my guards. Then I took all my sticks and found a comfortable spot under a tree. I spread them out in front of me and checked them over yet again. All of them would do once stripped of bark. I began doing that, setting the strips of bark to the side as they came off.

Both stallions stayed with me the rest of the day and I have to admit that it was probably the most restful time I'd had. Ever. Along about sundown on my first day as part of Valdemar, my stomach decided that it was time to eat. Actually it was telling me that it had been chewing on my spine for quite a while and really I should stop ignoring it before I couldn't walk.

I stood and stretched, popping a bit from sitting so long. I gathered up my stuff, the bark trimmings included, and trudged back to the salle, both Companions following. Once inside, I set my stuff down on the side table in my room and grabbed two apples off the larger table in the living room. I took them both outside and fed them to both Companions. "Thank you for your quiet company gentlemen." I said, formally. They both nodded and trotted off.

See? I can be politic. As long as you don't talk to me. Or ask me to talk to you. Or, well… Never mind.

I went back into the room and saw that Alberich had returned and had someone with him. An artificer probably. Right then, I didn't care. I went into my room and closed the door, blocking all them out, after gathering something to eat from the table. I didn't want to share a meal with anyone right now. I could always sneak out later and grab some more of that fruit, if I was still hungry. Tomorrow was soon enough to be sociable. I sat down on my bed and thought about my situation. I was an American woman stuck in a fantasy novel. Maybe if I just laid down, I'd wake up to find it all a dream….


	6. Chapter 6

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Disclaimer: _Mercedes Lackey owns all things pertaining to Valdemar, Velgarth, Heralds and Companions. I do not._

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A/N: _Next chapter. Yep, still in a bad mood._

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Chapter 6: _Boredom Galore_

Could one go completely insane being surrounded by fantasy novel characters? Yes, I say. Most definitely yes! I speak from first hand knowledge. Quite frankly even with all I had found to fulfill my time, I was _bored_. First they wouldn't let me off the Palace grounds, and I always had an escort, no matter where I went. Now, depending on _where_ I was going, that escort might have had two feet or four. I wasn't allowed to move out of the salle, even though I had asked to move into Firesong's old _ekele_. No one answered _any_ of my questions. And would you believe that they wouldn't let me into the Library? All I wanted to do was fill in the gaps that Mercedes Lackey had left.

Basically, I was stuck, shoved to the side and forgotten, while they all waited to see what the Adept would say. Frankly, I was curious to hear what he had to say myself. Still, a little bit of freedom or at least the ability to do _something_ beyond walk, eat and wood crave would have been nice.

So, here I sat on yet another pretty summer day, carving on one of the wood scraps I'd been given. Several others sat in my room already finished, except for the final sanding that I worked on in the evenings. I had also wanted to go to the library to see if there were any pictures of some of the other races (_kyree, hertasi _etc) so that I would have something to go on for a model. I had seen the two gryphons that were teachers at the Mage School. I'd even seen both of them in flight. I had a pretty good memory as I mentioned before and had roughed in shapes on several blocks of wood.

Right now I was working on a relief of a _dyheli_. It was the one race I remembered from the books that I'd retained a pretty good picture of in my head. My knife took off piece after small piece of wood as Kantor grazed near by. None of the others save Jasan ever came near me. I didn't try to entice them, respecting their wishes. They were after all former Heralds.

Did I tell them that I knew that? Hell no. I wasn't about to break their Silence or whatever. Might get me kicked. I didn't need any injuries thanks. The nicks and slices I got from carving were bad enough.

I looked over and saw several Blues arguing over my beam yet again. I sighed to myself and turned back to my carving. Who would have thought that such a simple thing as a balance beam would cause such trouble? My attention, however, had been diverted just enough. Another red line appeared on my thumb. Swearing, I dropped the carving. With a small scrap of cloth, clean, since the Healers insisted, I wrapped the latest of quite a few cuts and picked up the relief once again. I really needed some chisels.

I looked down at my carving critically. I shaved off yet another piece from one of the front legs and looked again. Ahh now they were equal. Somewhere behind me a bell rang. Kantor looked up and came over to nuzzle me. I nodded and put all my things away in the bag that I'd made. It was time to go in.

That was a good thing I found. The Companions didn't Speak to me at all. They sure had a way of making you know what they wanted though. My life was now dictated by the bells and white horses.

It had become a routine for me, a very dull routine. I was up with the bell in the morning and ate breakfast with Alberich's silent company. Then I was free to do as I wished for the entire day. Supposedly. I had _yet_ to figure out just what I _could_ do beyond walking, eating and wood carving.

To make my point: I had wandered over to the Royal Stables one morning and asked if I could borrow a mount. THAT almost got me confined to the salle for the rest of the day. So this is what I did all day: breakfast with Alberich, then take my carvings and find a shady spot under a tree until lunch. Then lunch with either Alberich or Dirk depending, then back under a tree or wandering around looking for deadfall wood. After that, more carving and a bath at Heralds since most weren't using them then and then dinner after which I was confined to the salle until the next morning. Not exactly a glamorous life was it?

I'm going to admit a couple things here that you might find odd but they'll come clear as time goes on. First, I don't care how Lackey described him, Alberich is one fine specimen of human male. I can say that because I've lived in the salle for the last month with him. I'd caught him a couple times with no shirt and (imagine the Halleluiah Chorus here) he is fine! Next, these Herald Trainees are old! It's like the minute they get Chosen they age five or six years. Or even ten in some cases. I don't care what they're actual age is, by the time they get here, they're a lot more grown up then before they got Chosen. I'd seen several Companions go out and a couple come back in with their newly Chosen, so I knew what I was talking about.

Also, I know why Lackey wrote the Heralds as she did. They seemed to have an undeniable authority about them. It radiated from them and affected everyone around them so that they were almost naturally deferred to. It was odd. But I'd seen several hard cases even defer to them. So, it was true.

That being said, I'll gladly admit I wasn't one of them. I deferred to them because, even if it was only technically, I was a prisoner. Granted, my cell was the salle or the Field. They were still cells. I needed something to do beyond what they allowed. Hells at this point, I was willing to act as a training dummy for the Trainees. Just _anything_ for the break in monotony.

I was going insane. Mr. Personality (Alberich) refused to answer any question I asked him. That's including to teach me Karsite. None of the Trainees would speak to me. The Healers had given me a clean bill of health the second day I was conscious.

I gathered up my bag and trudged back to the salle. Since I was confined to it in the evenings I saved all my sanding until then. I put my bag down in my room and grabbed a piece and a piece of sanding tile and went back out into the common room and sat facing the fire. They couldn't say I was anything but obedient. Still, I was weary of being stuck on Palace grounds.

I was used to being active and doing things as I wanted to. At home after I had gotten the children to school, picked up and vacuumed I had the entire day to do as I pleased until 2pm. Here I was stuck with what they allowed me to do. And they weren't allowing me to do _anything_. My beam should be ready in the morning and then that would give me something to do. Still, being stuck here was starting to grate on my nerves .Not everyday you had a chance to see something you had only read of. Now that chance seemed to be slipping through my fingers.

Alberich came in carrying our dinner as I sat ruminating. I put down the carving that I had been sanding and washed my hands in the pan of water in my room. I sat at the table and dished out food for both of us as he cleaned up. I never asked what he did during the day, still unsure of where I stood with him.

Dinner was passed in silence and I retired to back in front of the fire to work on my carving. He sat beside me and opened a book. I didn't know whether he was stuck here with me or if he continued his work in Haven for Selenay. Tonight I didn't care. I put down the carving and stared at him until he looked over at me. "I don't know what you guys think I represent, but look, I'm _bored_! I need something to do besides carving and watching." I looked at the fire. "All I want is to be able to ride and maybe go into Haven. Please."

I hated pleading, but being quiet and obedient hadn't gotten me anywhere at all. Maybe shoving down his throat that I was still a human being, for all that I was a prisoner, would work.

He looked at me. I could see him studying me out of the corner of my eye. "Go into Haven you may not." He put his book down and I looked at him. "Ride I see about will. Nothing decided yet has been." He picked up his book again and went back to what he was reading, leaving me to stew in silence.

Well, I wasn't very happy about the not going into Haven part, but at least I might be able to go riding. That was something at least. My next thought, though, would require some fancy verbal footwork. That was something I wasn't very good at.

My next need was defense. I mean lets be honest here. I knew a bit of hand to hand self defense (with 7 older brothers, how could I not?) but I really needed some teaching. I glanced at Alberich and saw him reading. I thought that maybe that night wasn't the best time to ask about it.

The next day, Alberich was as good as his word. I came outside seeing a horse saddled and waiting for me. I sighed with pleasure and put down my pack on the inside of the door. I climbed into the saddle and turned toward the equitation courses that the Trainees used. Warming up myself and the horse, we trotted towards the course.

Sitting in my saddle I looked over the course, before trying to attempt it. It had been a _long_ while since I'd done any sort of riding at all, let alone actual course riding. I walked her around it once, getting a feel for it. Then, with a grimace, knowing how sore I would be after this, we began.

It was clear this early in the morning and I gladly worked the horse over it only once. It really was a tough course designed for Companions in communion with their Chosen. As I was cooling my horse down, before taking her back to the Royal Stables, I saw a Herald and Companion sitting and watching us. With her long blonde hair and athletic build, I guessed who she was. "Captain Kerowyn, Companion Sayvil." I said, in greeting. Kero nodded back at me as did her Companion. I turned my horse towards the Royal Stables and they fell into step beside me. "Can I help you?" I asked as we walked.

Kero shrugged. "I just wanted to see the person causing so much fuss here in Haven. You don't look so dangerous."

I snorted out a laugh. "Dangerous? No. Unheard of, never seen before, an enigma, those are what I am." She nodded and waited mounted while I returned my mount to the stables.

How in hell could I be dangerous? I don't have any weapons beyond my belt dagger. I don't know any hand to hand. Frankly, (and the thought frightened me) I was a sitting duck if anyone wanted to come knock me off and get me out of the way. The only danger I represented was with my tongue. Alright, granted that was a rather sharp bladed instrument, still I kept it behind my teeth, most of the time.

I took my horse into the stables and looked for an empty stall. An older man came up to me and smiled. "How'd she do for ye?" He asked as he took the reins for me.

"Smooth as silk," I answered truthfully. "She's a beautiful horse in many ways," he nodded and began to lead her away. "If there are any not getting exercised, I'll gladly work with them." He nodded and turned away. I sincerely hoped he'd take me up on that. I didn't mind working. At least working with horses was something I knew.

When I got back outside, Kero had dismounted and was waiting for me. She fell into step with me when I walked back toward the salle. I could tell Sayvil was listening as well. "You are right about many things," Kero said as we walked. "You cause many problems for many people. The question I have is what do you intend to do here?"

Several things flashed across my mind quickly. One was that I intended to go try out my new balance beam. The next was that I _also_ intended to drool rather messily over a certain Healing Adept once he got here. Then again, I was pretty sure that wasn't what she had in mind.

Directness was something I have always appreciated but she asked the one question that I could not answer, not really. "I don't know. I don't know how I got here. I don't know what I am supposed to do now." By then we had made it to the salle. I reached in through the door and grabbed my bag. Swinging it up on my shoulder, I trudged toward the back where my beam was set up. Dropping my pack I climbed up on it and began stretching a bit. I could feel Kero watching me but I had no intention of telling her anything else. I didn't have the answer she wanted and could think of nothing else to say. As I began my routine, I heard her walk away, with Sayvil's chiming hooves following her.

I blanked out and just concentrated on a very simple routine that stretched me out and worked me only a little, since I had gotten away from my workout routines at home. I had worked up a slight sweat when I finally quit. I walked about a bit noticing that I had no visible followers but I knew that if I dared try go anywhere, someone would stop me. Instead, I walked until I had cooled a bit and then found my usual tree to sit under so I could carve and watch the foals playing in Companion's field. I worked on one of my carvings of a Companion foal. I saw the one I had based the carving on and studied the young colt for a while before turning back to the carving.

I hoped they didn't mind, but really they were the only subjects I had to work with right now. I'd seen a _kyree_ running around here, but hadn't gotten up the guts to ask him if I could carve him. Or her, or it. Well, you get the picture. I was actually being careful to _not_ tread on any toes.

Twilight found me still there. Kantor had wandered over sometime during the day. He had kept me company, though we couldn't talk to each other. I often talked out loud to him. He would give me odd looks or snort occasionally to let me know he was still listening. As the bells rang for dinner, and I cleaned up, he came over to nose me a bit to remind me I hadn't brought him anything lately in the way of a treat. I smiled and scratched behind his ear and promised to bring him one.

Sure enough, when I brought out the apple to him, he munched it happily before giving me another nuzzle, then trotting away.

That night was the same as all the others. I did manage to say thank you to Alberich, who just took it as his due and left it alone. I went to bed knowing that with the arrival of Kero, a decision was closer in coming.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The world of Velgarth, Valdemar, Heralds, Companions, etc is all the work of **M. Lackey**.

The world of Velgarth, Valdemar, Heralds, Companions, etc is all the work of .

Chapter 7 _An Arrival and A Breaking_

I woke up the next morning and knew something had changed. Time had begun to move for me and I knew that soon I would be forced into whatever spot they deemed appropriate for me. I knew I was right when I walked out and Alberich was waiting for me in full Whites instead of his usual grays.

Alberich is intimidating in his usual gray leather. In Whites let me just say that the authority behind him is, frankly, terrifying. As I sat down across from him, he seemed to loom over me, watching my every movement.

I ate, as quickly as I could without looking foolish. and then changed into the dress clothes that I had had made when I first came. Luckily, Selenay had agreed pretty quickly to paying for at least a couple changes of clothing including a formal outfit. They were much on the same line with my normal clothes except the top had sleeves and the pants were a little bit baggier than usual. When I came out, Alberich only looked me over and then motioned for me to follow. I did so only wearing my knife, not that I _had_ any other weapon. Alberich led the way into the Royal gardens where I hadn't been before. We walked the paths to a back entrance that I somehow _knew_ led to Selenay's private quarters.

So this wasn't supposed to be a full council meeting then? I wondered if the Council knew about me yet or if I'd been kept a secret. (I figured all the Deans knew about me. With all the MindSpeakers about I would have been shocked if they hadn't) It didn't matter to me one way or another. A flash of color caught my eye as I walked along behind Alberich. I stopped and looked up. There in a tree was the most fantastic bird I had ever seen. It was beautiful. Phoenix was the only word I could describe it as. It caught my attention and held it until Alberich came and took my arm pulling me through a door he'd already opened. The bird followed us in, settling itself on the shoulder of a masked man.

I tried to move away from Alberich but he didn't release my arm and I wasn't about to try to get it back from him. I looked around the room and finally noticed (truly noticed) where the bird had landed. I should say on _whom_ the bird landed.

I have to stop my story here and say a few things. One is that Firesong stops your heart even _with _the mask. My first impression of him was silent power, held by an iron will. He kept his arms loose at his side, but he was coiled as if anything could set him into motion. His body was lithe and strong, what I could see of it under his robes.

Also, he is a peacock. The books always described him that way but I didn't truly understand that until I saw him in person. His robes were done in a myriad of colors, ranging from greens to blues to a subtle shade of purple that I wished I could wear. I got the feeling that I was underdressed next to him but knew that he outshone everyone in the room.

And finally about Firesong before I move on: he is _gorgeous_. I mean mask not withstanding. He could have had any woman he wanted just by raising an eyebrow. My heart went pitter patter, even knowing he was _shaych_. If he had given me any indication I would have stripped bare right there and done anything he asked. Alright maybe not _anything_. Then again…

So, enough about him. Now on to his lover.

It just isn't right that a man has better looking hair than any woman I know. And he does. Yet it doesn't detract from his masculinity. It adds to it. His outfit complimented Firesong's in a way that he was not lost in the background. He wore fewer colors but was striking none the less. I have to say any woman who ended up between the two of them could die a happy woman. I certainly would. He was slightly less muscular than Firesong but I could have fallen quite willingly for him as well. The only thing I could think of was trying out _all_ of his kestra'chern training.

Yes, I'm a single, healthy, red blooded American female. Deal with it.

Alright I admit it I was instantly and irrevocably in lust with the two of them. I hadn't known they had arrived and was glad for it. Seeing the two of them travel wearied and stained would have shattered my imaginings of them. Meeting them like this only enhanced them.

My ruminations only took an instant. They hadn't noticed that I was staring at them. It was a good thing too. I think I drooled slightly and wouldn't that be a fine impression? So, here I was in a room with Elspeth, Darkwind, Firesong (did I mention he was gorgeous?) and Silverfox (equally gorgeous).

Alberich stood off to one side, having _finally_ let go of my arm. He looked as imposing as ever but my attention wasn't on him but on Selenay. She was the one who would run this meeting.

"So, Adept Firesong I would like to introduce you to the reason we sent for you." She motioned toward me but I stubbornly refused to move. "This is Sara Jakeson." She introduced me (incorrectly!) to my two favorite characters out of all the books.

Firesong nodded to me slightly and I imitated the gesture. No need to let him know how I felt. "I am Sarana actually. Not Sara." He looked at me oddly like he hadn't expected me to be able to speak. Hadn't they told him anything? Silverfox smiled to me and I allowed a small smile to play across my lips. Ahh if only they weren't shaych!

"Tell me your story." Firesong said, flowing into a vacant seat.

To be able to sit like that, I would have to have either better muscle control or a lot less bones. It was beautiful. Sorry, I'm drooling again aren't I?

I launched into my story one more time, in almost the exact same words as before. He listened closely, never interrupting with a question of his own. When I finally wound down he just sat quietly for a moment. "I think you were right, Elspeth. There really is now way we can send her home. To create a Gate we would have to have an anchor on the other side and some knowledge of where to place the Gate. We have neither one. So, now we must decide what to do with her."

Have I said before that I hate being talked about like I'm not there?

"Hey! You can talk to me. I'm right here!" I said, a bit angrily.

He turned ice cold blue eyes on me and looked me up and down. (Excuse me drool moment. Use your imagination.) "I'm sorry, Sarana. You're right. But, I have to agree with the other mages here. There is no way to send you home." He said softly. "I will not even waste the energy to try..."

"Waste the energy?" I exploded. "I bet if it were you trapped somewhere else, you wouldn't consider it wasted energy!" I stood quickly, knocking back the chair I had been sitting on. "If you were being held prisoner, and not allowed to do anything except what your guards allowed, it would not be a waste of energy! So excuse me my dear _Adept_, if I don't believe it to be wasted!" With that, I barreled out of the room, back into the garden, fighting the tears that had held back for so long.

I had just yelled at probably one of the most famous mages in all of Velgarth history and then ran from the room like a frightened child. I was really a mess.

I heard someone behind me say, "let her go." Then I was too far away to hear anything. I ran blindly, not caring where I went. The sobs wracked my body, making it hard to keep moving. But keep moving I did. I vaulted over a fence and kept running. White blurs in the corners of my eyes told me I was either in the Field or near it. Then I saw the Grove. That's where it had all began. Mayhap if I went back it could all end there too.

I ran blindly not caring if I fell or hurt myself. When everything but the Grove was blocked from my view I collapsed. "Why? Why do this to me? I'm just a nanny and a writer. Why?!" My voice echoed hollowly around, no answer coming from the trees or from the silent bell tower there. Nothing stirred the trees and no Companions magically appeared to give me my answers.

I continued sobbing for a time, the hot tears leaving streaks down my normally pale face. I knew I looked a wreck and didn't really care. I was stuck in a place I had no right being in. Energy would be "wasted" trying to get me _home_. It was all too much. I had let it build until it was bursting out in this rare form of emotion from me. A soft warm nose touched my heaving shoulders. I looked up, eyes still blinded by tears and stared at the white form just next to me.

My gut knew instantly which companion would dare come here and try to ease my emotional pain. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood for it. Not then. I pushed myself back to my feet, having fallen to my knees and glared at Rolan.

"Kiss my ass, horse." I said, nastily, before I ran for the gates. Maybe I could lose myself in Haven before anyone realized I was gone.

I didn't even make the gates before I was spotted. Except it wasn't a human or even a Companion that found me. Aya caught the corner of my eye as he winged overhead. I didn't even attempt to run. I knew I couldn't hide from the bondbird. Life was not good. I was stuck in a fantasy world where I was, if not hated, then certainly too much of a risk to be let out of sight. Keep your friends close and your enemies, closer.

I had lost my family. My friends. Everything had been taken from me in one simple fall down a mountain. I had been gone a month, maybe a bit longer, now. Missing for three weeks in the Blue Ridge. What would the Gillespies do? I'm sure they would replace me. But would it be easy? I doubted it. It was a plum job. Still, it was hard to find that right person who was willing to do all the work and get very few benefits. I had enjoyed it because it allowed me freedom for my writing.

I missed them desperately. They had become a second family for me. Although I had enjoyed my four weeks a year in the mountains, coming back to them had taken the place of my family that had lived on the other side of the country. I had children around and a loving family that loved having me around even at the holidays. I was always included in all their vacation plans and often asked my opinions. I loved them and now they would have to call California and tell my mother, who had taught how to hike that I'd taken a fall and died in our beloved Mountains. I would have cried, had there been anything left.

Would they have a body to mourn? Was there something left of me there to tell them that I was gone? Or would they continue to wonder, as hope faded ever so slowly into the background as more and more time passed? These questions plagued me as I began looking for a place to hide. Not permanently, but for a time, just to get away from those who held my life in their hands.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** The world of Velgarth, Valdemar, Heralds, Companions, et. al belong to M. Lackey.

_A/N:_ Sporadic update. I hope you enjoy

**Chapter 8** Hiding the Past

I turned away from the gate, seeing the dark hair of Silverfox too close to it for me to slip out. Gorgeous he may have been, but I was not ready to deal with what had happened, just yet. Instead, I picked up my pace to a trot and went to the Royal Stables. There, the old groom was sitting on a bale of hay working on what looked to be an old bridle. I stopped to catch my breath, looking behind me. "Excuse me sir? Do you remember me from yesterday?" I asked, thinking quickly. All I needed was a place to stop and think for a while.

"Aye, I do 'member ye. Ye're the one who had out the mare." He said nodding. I could see he was squinting his one eye as he sat staring at the bridle in his hands. But then, he turned his shrewd gaze on me and I felt like it was going to be alright. "What ye be runnin' from gal? Ye're mighty dressed up fer ridin'."

I nodded and looked worriedly over my shoulder again. Aya apparently hadn't seen me duck in here and Silverfox had to look for me now. I had a few minutes before he got here. Time was running out though. If I didn't find a place to hide in soon he'd find me and I didn't want to be found. Ever if I could possibly handle it. If this man could be convinced to hide me, maybe I could have time.

He looked around me and saw who I was looking at. He looked back at me. "Hard man to run from." He remarked absently. "A person would need to hide awhile." I just nodded and looked worriedly over my shoulder. Silverfox was coming closer. If I was going to hide, it had better be soon otherwise I was going to have to run for it again. "Well, it seems I have a hayloft that happens to be empty and me eyesight ain't what it used to be. Be a shame to get caught when there be such a spot so close." He went back to mending his bridle, not looking at what I was doing.

"Lady bless you." I whispered when I kissed his whiskered cheek and bolted for the ladder into the hayloft. I had just gotten up and out of sight when I heard Silverfox approach the old man.

"Excuse me sir. Did a young woman in black come this way?" He asked politely, in very fluent, if slightly accented, Valdemaran.

"I wouldn't be knowin' young man." The groom replied, never taking his eyes off the bridle. "Me eyesight is goin' bad and with the shadows and light I wouldna seen no one in black." He made a few more stitches in the leather before continuing. "I'll tell ye this though she couldna looked very good if she did come this way. Never fail to notice a pretty lass." He winked at Silverfox and I could barely keep myself from laughing from my hiding spot overhead.

Silverfox merely thanked the old man and turned away, continuing on his search, I assumed. After I was sure he was gone, I climbed down and grabbed a bridle he had lying next to him. I looked it over and found a couple weak spots. I took his other leather needle and began repairing the weak spot that required the most work. I sat next to him on the hay and we worked for quite while in companionable silence.

"Ye be hiding from powerful people lass." He said after he inspected my work on the bridle. Grunting in satisfaction he put it down and let me continue my work. "Musta been somethin' big ye did." He grabbed a set of reins and looked them over critically.

I just worked and kept my head down not caring that time was passing and if I wasn't careful Alberich would come looking for me. I didn't want him to find this spot. As hiding places went it wasn't the best place but it was all I had. I watched daylight lengthen and then fade. The old groom shared lunch with me silently. I ate and then went back to work on the leather I had put down.

We worked a long time in silence listening only to the noises of the Palace grounds and the stable around us. The solitude soothed me as nothing else could. He never asked questions of me or watched me covertly. Silence was all that was needed between us.

"I did do something big," I admitted as he pulled out saddles to be repaired. "I came here." He only nodded and continued on his inspection of the saddle he held. "I was the girl they found in the Grove and was unconscious for a week in Healers."

He snorted. "I knew all that, girl. But what did ye do to make them chase ye?"

I kept my head bent over the saddle in my lap. What I had done was run away from them. Hearing myself say that though sounded childish. I said it all the same because it was the truth. So far this one old man was the only one to treat me as a human being. He didn't treat me like a prisoner or something to be dealt with or someone to be studied. It was a relief. It was freeing. It was humbling. I loved him for it.

"I ran away," I finally told him after fixing a strap on a saddle. "I didn't fall in with all their plans. I was loud, obnoxious and didn't be quiet and totally obedient." He just listened to me rattle on, mending a saddle.

"Aye, that would annoy the powers that be. But, lass, ye can't hide forever." He said quite reasonably, selecting another saddle to inspect. "Ye listen to old Tun here. Life is hard everywhere. You are not alone. Hidin' is no answer for ye. If ye go get whatever brought you here done, then maybe ye can go home."

I just shook my head sadly. "I can never go home."

Tun just shook his head. "Then make this yer home." He looked out the door and saw something I didn't. "Ye'd best go meet up with the Weaponsmaster if ye want to come back again." He took the saddle I was holding. "Go on with ye, lass. Come back in the mornin' I'll have a horse for ye and more leather to mend. Off with ye now!" He shooed me toward the door.

"Thank you Tun." I said as I slipped out the door. I went around the side when Alberich's back was turned. I came around the back side and stole back toward the salle.

Again, it was Aya who spotted me before anyone else. Alberich was the one who came to escort me back toward the office. I went quietly thinking on what Tun had said. All of it had been right. I could never go home but I could make a new one and it was time to start. I plunged ahead of Alberich, ready to make my new home.

I went back into the room where they all sat waiting for me. I looked at all of them. Elspeth and Darkwind, probably the best written couple in all of Valdemar, sat together still an easy silence between them. Selenay and Daren, a couple forged in fire, were across the room from each other but you could almost see their link. Talia and Dirk, lovers and husband and wife, both with heavy responsibilities, standing together being each others pillar of strength. Then there was Firesong and Silverfox. Two men, held together by love and not by a lifebond. They had found each other during tragedy and remained together on the strength of that foundation. Then, finally Alberich, the former weapons master, now spy master for his Queen. A gentleman when he needed to be but hard as granite and flexible as a willow in the wind.

These were the people of my home now. I couldn't tell them why I was here. Frankly because I had no idea myself. But first things first. "Firstly, I will apologize to all of you for my behaviour. I have no excuse for any of it except to say I was overwhelmed and disoriented." I looked at all of them. I was having a hard time finding the words I needed.

Then something I'd always read in the books came back to me. "Ground and centre." So I did just that. I took a deep breath and took a moment to gather myself. They all sat respectfully silent. "I mean no one any harm. I was brought here for some reason I have yet to figure out. All I want right now is to have a bit of freedom. When I figure out what I'm supposed to be doing, I'll tell you all."

I could see them looking at each other and knew that they had come to some decisions while I was hiding. The only question was: did what I say help or hurt my cause? Selenay was the one to speak. "We haven't any idea as to why you are here either. We have been keeping you under guard here to protect our people." She smiled slightly. "You have done nothing to warrant our distrust and have kept to all of our restrictions. However, I ask you to keep to them for a small time longer." Again she allowed a small smile. "I will arrange for you to have some time in Haven and for classes at the Collegium. Is there anything else we can do?"

I knew she was sincere but I just couldn't see sticking my twenty year old butt in a classroom with a bunch of teeny boppers. "I would really just like some time in the Library. I was never very good in school and well," I shrugged, embarrassed. "The thought is appreciated but I'd rather pass on the classes. And I'd like to go into Haven." I sighed. "Really your Majesty what I would like is my own place to live and no one watching over my shoulder at all times, even if that someone is a Companion."

I could see several people shift as though they were a bit uncomfortable, although Stone-Face wasn't one of them. Even Selenay looked slightly discomfited. But she nodded what I hoped was assent. "I think we can accommodate you." She stood, ending the meeting. I went to leave when Firesong and Silverfox stopped me.

"May we talk with you?" Firesong asked. He, Silverfox and Aya walked out of the meeting with me into the garden.

I nodded and sat down on a bench under a tree. Aya fluttered down to sit on a low branch. He was close enough and I couldn't resist. I reached a bit and began scratching him under his chin. He fluttered lower to sit on the bench next to me. I continued the scratches and chuckled a bit as he closed his eyes and cooed a bit in pleasure.

"You'll spoil him," Firesong commented. He and Silverfox had taken another bench next to me.

I just looked over and smiled slightly, not stopping. "Like the two of you don't?" They both chuckled slightly. "What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I asked wearily. The day had been long and tiring, emotionally. I was in no mood to be politic and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep for a while.

"All you told us about your world was the truth?" Silverfox asked quietly.

He was very soft-spoken, I'd found. His voice just skittered over my raw nerves evoking several responses the most blatant being a wearied sadness that he was already taken.

I just nodded, willing my raging hormones, and raw nerves, under control and kept scratching Aya, who had gone almost catatonic with the attention. "Vain bird." I whispered to him. He just sat quietly loving the attention. "Every word about my world was true. Alberich Truth spelled me and Altra probed my mind when I first got here. I knew there was no way to lie mind to mind or through a second level Truth Spell. That's why I did it." I kept scratching Aya switching hands because one was getting tired. "So what did you really want to talk about?"

Silverfox and Firesong exchanged glances but it was Firesong that spoke. "I wish I could send you home, but I can see no way to do it. Before I got here, Elspeth and Darkwind had researched everyway possible of doing it. I'm sorry."

I sighed and finally looked at him. "No, I'm sorry, Adept Firesong. I had no call to be angry with any of you. From what I read at home, I knew none of you would intentionally keep me here. I just can't seem to realize that I really am stuck here."

I fell silent, unable to say anything more. Reality had come crashing down around me, tossing me into this new life without any regard for what I wanted. My sanity had taken several severe beatings in my time here. I wanted to go home; there was no doubt of that.

I scratched Aya one more time and then stood. "I really don't feel like talking right now. Excuse me, gentlemen." I turned away and left them watching after me. Gorgeous though they were, I wasn't even in the mood to admire them.

Wrapped in my own misery, I walked away, leaving them in the garden. I walked aimlessly, not caring where I ended up. I found myself walking along the fence next to Companion Field. Several of the Companions looked up at me but didn't walk over. One stood to the outside. I knew it was Rolan. He had a certain luminescence about him that marked him separate from the others.

I thought I knew exactly what the Companions were. In fact, I still do. My theory is that all Companions were former Heralds continuing their duty to Valdemar. Kings, Queens, any and all could choose to come back as a new Companion. The Groveborns were different though. I wasn't exactly sure what they were but again I had a theory. If all the Companions were former Heralds, then perhaps, just possibly, Groveborns were avatars. God or Goddess linked, straight in to the Havens. As to why they were usually only for the Monarch's Own, I had no idea.

Gwena was of course, an exception. I suspected that Elspeth had needed that link to keep her grounded during all her adventures, or misadventures depending on how you looked at it. Still, Elspeth had ended up with one hunk of a Hawkbrother. In fact, I envied her. Not for her troubles, oh no, not that. I envied her her love, her connection, her sense of belonging where she was. I wanted that. Had thought I had found that with the Gillespies. Now all that had been taken from me.

So had the children. I swallowed a lump in my throat. I'd avoided thinking about them until now. It hurt too much. But... they were as gone as everyone else. My fingers ached to braid hair, or throw an arm over bony shoulders that would soon begin filling out, congratulating on a good baseball game.

I would have cried, but what was the point? Tears would not change the facts as they were. I had already cried. The tears needed to be over. But the children...

I sighed to myself, shunting away the memories, and leaned against the fence. Nothing to do now but work myself to exhaustion and it was too late in the evening for much. Still, my beam was ready and would suffice for working up a sweat.

I went into the salle's back entrance and changed clothing. I heard something coming from the salle and went to investigate since now I was no longer a prisoner.

There, Kero and Alberich were sparring energetically. I leaned my shoulder against the doorway and watched them. They were like poetry in motion. Each movement was fluid and perfectly executed. I could only say, I was in awe of their grace. It was like watching a perfectly choreographed dance where every dancer matching another's move. There have been times I wished I could do things like that. Even when I'd been in gymnastics I hadn't had that kind of freedom of movement. The reason I hadn't made any competitions was I didn't have that kind of grace.

Finally they broke apart. Kero was the first to notice me. She waved me in, face impassive. I walked over cautiously, wondering what she could possibly want with me. She nodded to me and wiped her face. "You still want to learn?" She asked me. I only nodded my mouth going dry as the two Heralds shared a look. She handed me a practice sword and Alberich moved away. "Then let's begin." She said, dropping into a stance.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** All concepts of Heralds, Velgarth, etc belong to M. Lackey, not to me.

**Chapter 9** _Twitchy Changes_

Life had definitely changed since that fateful day when I decided to make Valdemar my new home. For one thing instead of the warmth of summer, with cool twilight breezes to ease transition into night, now we had cold fall rain, making life as dreary as the sky. The trees were losing their leaves rapidly now, borne to the ground by a whipping wind. That same wind pierced through warm cloaks, mittens and any layers of clothing put on to protect against the chill.

Simplistic life doesn't mean an easy one however. Since that day in the salle when Kero had "invited" me to train, I'd been there a good two candle marks or more a day. I usually left, feeling like a tenderised piece of especially tough beef. Kero had, however, encouraged me to keep up my balance beam work. It helped keep me limber, no matter _how_ sore she made me.

Weapons was usually in the morning, before dawn, and before the first group of Trainees came in. I was glad of it. The last thing I wanted to do was completely embarrass myself in front of a bunch of kids. Prideful, maybe, but at least honest.

After that, I could be found exercising one of the horses from the Royal stables. Or taking said horse into Haven to sell or trade one of my carvings. More often than not I simply traded for something, but the jingle of coins in my pocket was now my own money and not a handout from the throne.

I still helped Tun sometimes with tack, or if one of his stable boys were ill. I didn't mind the physical work and Tun was really a hoot. Often times, I walked out of the stables my sides aching not from the physical labour but from laughing so hard.

Evenings were truly my own. I usually saved all my sanding for the evenings since it was such an undemanding task, and I was usually too tired to be trusted around sharp objects. Of course, just because my hands were busy meant my mind must be too. Hence why I was often at the little mini-Vale that Firesong had created for himself and Silverfox. Of course, I always made sure to _announce_ my presence first. Walking in on them once was enough!

The two gentlemen and I had become friends over the last four months or so. They had decided to stay in Haven at least until spring. I was quite happy to keep them company. Firesong and I had gotten into several heated arguments about my choice of clothes. He wanted to dress me not in Tayledras robes but in more colours than I currently wore. I wanted to wear my typical black and be left alone. The insults we tossed were good natured if pointed. Silverfox usually just chuckled and kept out of it.

Alberich had actually thawed toward me. Now he wasn't so much the "Mr. Personality" that he had been but I still had trouble reading him. Then again, he'd never told me about how he just _knew_ where I was, when I'd ran that time. Or how he knew I would sneak out of Healers. Or really, anything at all. He wasn't the most loquacious of men.

In fact, that was what Firesong and I were arguing over one evening while, he and Silverfox were playing hinds and hounds. I was sanding one of my carvings, barely making any contribution to the conversation at all.

When I'd finally gotten comfortable around the two of them, and had realised they were just men and not meant to be on pedestals, I'd begun asking questions. Since I was drawing impaired and couldn't even trace a decent picture from a book, Firesong had agreed to use a little magic for me and "draw" me pictures of the different races. I also had pictures of the different species of bondbirds that could be found in any vale.

Aya, himself, had deigned to be copied in the pose he had chosen, with his wings spread and him looking up. A very Phoenix type pose. I liked it and had secretly been working on the carving I had planned for the drawing when I wasn't here. I had it planned for a MidWinter present for him.

There were several other people I had presents either planned for or already done. To Darkwind, since he always took time to answer my questions about the Tayledras, when Silverfox and Firesong weren't available, I had a completed carving of Vree in full flight. For Elspeth, I had recently completed a carving of Gwena for her with Vree riding her back. (Firesong had convinced both of them for me, since I couldn't. They had willingly complied once they realized what it was for.) For Selenay and Daren, I had carved a relief of a rearing Companion with a lightning bolt behind it (inconspicuously in a corner of that one I had carved two small hearts intertwined. Caryo had given up the hair for the mane and Jasan had donated some for the tail.)

For Talia, I had traded for hers with a carving of my own. She always was working so hard and I had noticed her love of small brightly coloured things that could be worn with her Whites. Hers was a small, bright green ribbon that she could wear in her hair, embroidered with tail hair taken from Rolan, done in simple geometric patterns. Dirk had been hard to figure out. So I did a simplistic carving of a mother and babe in arms, transposing Talia's features onto the mother. Jemmie was definitely older now but I thought he still might like it.

For Alberich, I had been hard pressed to figure out something he might like. I had taken a cue from several things. One was that he was terribly practical. So, I did what I could and had spoken to several weapons dealers down in Haven. One, with a trade had agreed to fix a knife handle onto two blades that I had picked out. I was carving two handles. One for Alberich to carry and one for "Knives". The one for the Herald featured his Companion lying down, wrapped around a Firecat. Both had more than willingly agreed to help when I told them what it was for. The one for "Knives" was a very plain handle with small carvings so that the handle wouldn't be slick.

Silverfox was the one I was fretting over. I could just give him the plans for my beam with a written explanation of what I did on it. But I didn't like that idea. Still, right now it was the best one I had. Everything else I could think of just didn't seem appropriate. I couldn't carve him much for his trade (not that I knew much about it). Still, I was stuck and quite frankly it was annoying. Tomorrow I would be going down to Haven with more carvings to trade perhaps something would jump out at me then.

Drawing myself from my thoughts on Midwinter, (and ignoring the pang of longing for Christmas back home) I realized that Firesong was nattering at me, still, about the merits of changing my clothes. "You would look stunning in blues and greens. Not the green that the Healers wear, obviously, but several shades of it interspersed with blues and maybe even a light buff colour." He was watching the game board, watching me out of the corner of his eye. "You should change your colours."

I snorted, sanding the back feathers of the gryphon. "What is wrong with my black clothes? I have always worn black. I like black. Besides every woman knows black is slimming."

That got what sounded like amused snorts from both men. Firesong was the one to answer me though. "You don't need to wear anything 'slimming'. You've got a great body and you should flaunt it."

Silverfox looked at his lover, a smile tugging at his lips and one eyebrow arched. "Really now? Something you'd like to tell me, _ke'chara_?"

Firesong chuckled from behind his mask and reached over to squeeze his lover's hand. "Just that you know I'd never leave you."

"Would you two knock it off?" I asked, rolling my eyes, before addressing Firesong's previous comment, both men chuckling. "As to my clothes, peacock, I'm not wearing an array of colours to satisfy you." I put up my carving for a moment and stretched my hands out before they got too cramped.

"You should try something other than black, Sarana." Silverfox said, finally making his moves, releasing Firesong's hand.

I just kept my peace after letting out a gusty sigh. It was an argument we had most days and would continue to have until MidWinter was over. Then, if they were still here, it would probably be the Equinox Festival. Somehow I just couldn't convince them that I was quite comfortable in my black. It was the most comfortable colour for me here. I couldn't exactly wear white, or green, or red (though with red hair the red would look horrible anyways).Granted during high summer it might not be the most comfortable, but it made me feel my best. I didn't wash me out as a lot of colours did. And as my skin darkened and my hair lightened, during the warmer months, it really set my looks off. Even during the winter when my skin paled and my hair darkened, I still looked good.

Yes, I'm a tad bit vain. If you lived around people that just oozed confidence and sex appeal at times. You'd be a tad more aware of what you were wearing as well. Besides, I _like_ wearing black. I'm never mistaken for anyone.

It, also, made dressing easy. I never had to worry about what colour was appropriate and who I would possibly offend. Everyone knew I wore black. It was a given and I was too paranoid about my position here to change anything that could possibly be construed as an insult.

I didn't go to many Court functions. In fact, I avoided them at all costs. Still, there were times I did go, like when a Bard (or Bardic student) was playing that I enjoyed. Or even if I had been specifically requested to go, as had happened on very few occasions by Selenay herself or someone else. Why bother with all those different outfits that had to be coordinated and dithered over when three sets of formal clothes and five more of "everyday" clothes in black served just as well?

I had said as much many times but it always put Firesong in a dither so I kept my mouth shut this time. I picked up the carving yet again and kept working on it. "I could take you into Haven and help you pick out clothes. Or better yet, have the merchants come here. Selenay won't mind." Firesong was becoming animated about the subject so I figured it was time to stop him before he began making too many plans.

"Firesong, sweet, I appreciate the thought but really, I don't want to have more clothes." I said sighing. "I really don't see the point. I don't have a place with the Court. I'm not noble, or a Trainee. They really don't know what to do with me." I chuckled a bit and sanded a bit more on the gryphon. "Frankly I have no desire to _be_ a part of them. I like my clothes the way they are. Now could we please leave it alone?" I looked at Firesong who looked ready to say something more but Silverfox shook his head and Firesong held his peace much to my relief.

You know, I think it bothered him that I really had no place here. He thought that I needed to be "adopted" into the Court and couldn't understand that I was quite happy where I was. That may have been the Tayledras way but the Court was _not_ going to take in someone that they had no idea how to place. Really, I think I scared them. I had no particular place that they could stick me in. No title graced my name; no money insured my place. Everyone was sure that I was off limits, either for marriage associations or for romantic liaisons.

Elspeth, Darkwind and the others had made sure everyone knew that I was under their protection. So what was I good for? Could I be used to get close to said personages? Or could I be used against them? No one could exactly be sure about any of it. And if there was one thing no member of the Court did was move without being sure of most of the ramifications.

Here I sat on the outreaches. I was almost part of the Court and almost merely working class. I took instruction from Alberich on weapons, yet I took no class at the Collegium. Everyone knew of me but hardly anyone knew me. I was an enigma, an unknown. I created fear in some and distaste in others. None could count on my movements, so could not plan accordingly. In fact, right now, there was probably the least amount of plotting going on in the Court than there had ever been!

I stretched and gathered up my supplies, sweeping my mess into the fireplace. Silverfox and Firesong were engrossed in another game. I walked over and studied the board. They were playing at a level beyond me. I just shook my head, ruffling my loose hair slightly. I bent over and kissed both men on their cheeks and left. Yes, probably forward of me, but neither minded.

I trudged through the gathering gloom back toward my rooms at the Palace. I had gladly taken some unused rooms in a sparsely populated wing of the Palace. The only other beings near me were Elspeth and Darkwind and the gryphon mages. That suited me just fine. My rooms consisted of a sitting room, a bathing room and a bedroom. I tried not to spend too much time in them to keep my spirits up but it was hard. At home, I was used to hibernating during the cold weather and staying put until a spring thaw. Only going out when I had to.

I smiled a bit sadly. The kids always had wanted to go out and play in the snow. While the nanny, me, wanted to crawl under blankets and ignore all the "pretty" snow. It was damned cold and I just wanted it to go away.

Here I didn't want to do that since there was still so much for me to learn. Firesong and Silverfox had brought _dyheli_ with them and I had taken advantage of that and learned Karsite and Tayledras, since I could already speak Valdemaran. It had given me one _hell_ of a headache, but it had been worth it. Firesong was quite happy to use my Tayledras when I was with him.

As to how I _knew_ Valdemaran, I wasn't quite sure. I just _did_. I also just _knew_ that Valdemaran wasn't English. I'd taken to swearing in English. No one understood it, but generally, they got the gist. I laughed a little, knowing that Alberich and Kero had picked a few of them during our training sessions.

The Library still held wonders in it that needed explored, mostly about history that hadn't been covered in my books. Some of it was, of course, that I still couldn't decide this was real and the history made it a bit more so. I had also begun reading into some of the treaties and such that Valdemar had with its neighbours. That information would be invaluable to me when I had to leave Haven. _If_ I ever had to.

Ever have the gut feeling that you _know_ something is coming? I did. And it made me twitchy. I didn't like not knowing _what_ or _when_ it was. Still, it was there and there was nothing I could do except worry about it and give myself ulcers. Not exactly the best thing to do.

I finally made it to my rooms and sighed with relief that the servants had been in to add fuel to the fires and make sure the rooms were warm. A person could certainly get spoiled by having people do for them. Granted the servants barely did anything for me. I cleaned my own rooms and gathered my own laundry and made sure it was outside my door for them to take to the laundry. About the only thing the servants did do for me was fetch wood and keep the fires going.

I quickly shed my cloak and hung it by the fire to dry, sighing as I stood near the fire soaking up the warmth. I poured myself a glass of warmed wine from the pitcher on the hearth. That was another thing that I'd gotten used to in a short period of time. There wasn't much I could honestly say I missed, food-wise, but I did miss hot chocolate and my soda. And pizza. There had been many times that I'd dream of being able to call up some one and just order a pizza, having it delivered right to my door. Of course, I could do the same thing with the servants but it wasn't the same.

I'd even thought a couple of times of invading either the Palace kitchen or the one at the Collegium. Then, I saw the actual kitchens. Intimidating is far to gentle a word. Granted, Mero was nice enough, but I didn't want to mess up his kitchen.

I quickly went into my bathing room and ran myself a hot bath from the water kept warm over the stove in there. Getting cold water wasn't a problem that ran straight from a cistern on the roof. I stripped and began to soak some of the cold from my muscles.

As I lay soaking I began to ruminate a bit. For all my rooms were in a distant part of the Palace, they were warm, well cared for and pleasantly decorated. My sitting room was done in muted tans and blues that flowed together easily. My bedroom took that theme a bit further adding in creams and few yellows too. My bathroom was white for the most part, with accents added here and there in all the colors of my other rooms.

I enjoyed staying in here and although I had been given the authority to change them about the only thing I'd done is add a few cushions here and there and two more bookshelves. I had traded for some older books but mostly I used them for carvings that were in various stages of being done. In fact on the shelves in the bedroom, sat the ones I was planning on giving as gifts. Since no one but me and a servant went in there, I figured it was as safe as anywhere.

Sighing heavily at any thought of moving I reluctantly got out of the cooling water and dried off, quickly donning the robe hung by the stove.

As I feel asleep that night, I stared at my carving still in progress for Firesong. It had begun to take on more and more aspects of Aya. I couldn't wait for it to be done.

· · ·

I awoke to the sound of rain battering my window and knocking on my door. I had adopted Tayledras sleeping gear during my time here, so I crawled out of bed and put on a robe. I walked sleepily through to my sitting room, barely noting that it wasn't even dawn yet.

Running a hand through my hair, I yanked open the door to find a disgruntled servant standing there. He looked about like I did. "Her Majesty wishes to see you." He delivered his message and quickly left. I just grunted and closed the door.

The other advantage to wearing only one color was that I could dress for an audience in an instant. I threw on my formal clothes and yanked a brush through my hair, leaving it lose. If Selenay had wanted it done she wouldn't have called for me before dawn. Ready in a trice, I walked out my door to trudge my way to Selenay's quarters.

The way wasn't actually that long but it felt like it took forever. Selenay was waiting, dressed, in her room when I arrived. Daren, Darkwind, Elspeth and Firesong and Silverfox were there as well. (Why is it those two can look like they got a full night's sleep in only a few hours?) Apparently, all they were waiting for was me. I closed the door behind me and came in and sat down. One thing they'd all learned was that I very rarely stood on ceremony.

"Since we're all here, I'll keep this brief so we can return to our beds." Selenay said briskly. (Yet another person chipper in the middle of the night. I believe I mentioned before I don't do chipper.) "Earlier tonight, several of my ForeSeers came to me and told of several coming disasters. The problem is they can't tell where or when these disasters might strike and nothing after them at all. The one thing they all agree on is that you, Sarana, are in the middle of all of it."

I could feel everyone's eyes on me at that point. I didn't move keeping myself as blank as possible. Considering I had been yanked out of bed, it wasn't too hard. My mind was still moving fuzzily and stray remnants of my dream kept evading me. I couldn't say anything simply because I didn't know what to say.

My mind wasn't fully awake, but one thought penetrated its fog. _Huh? Oh. Twitchiness explains this. If the ForeSeers are seeing me doing something… but what?_

So my mouth was kept shut, since I couldn't form a coherent sentence if I wanted to. Selenay looked at me shrewdly but didn't press. "So, if anyone here has any ideas?" Everyone looked especially blank considering the late hour. "I'm sorry to have disturbed your sleep then." Now that was clearly a dismissal. I readily took it to escape from the questions that pressed in the air around me.

As I walked back to my rooms I could feel Elspeth and Darkwind's speculations as they walked behind me. I just nodded wearily to them as I gained my room. I stripped off my formals and threw them on a convenient chair and threw myself back under my covers, naked.


	10. Chapter 10

****

Disclaimer: All things Velgarth, including: Heralds, Companions, Tayledras, Haven, etc, are the property of **Mercedes Lackey**. I merely play amongst what she's created.

****

Chapter 10: _Seasonal Collapse_

Seasons turn as seasons do. Fall became winter and then winter turned ever so slowly to a mushy spring. A really mushy spring. I swear I needed hip boots to get through the mud half the time.

I had given out my presents which had all gone over very well —no, I'm not smug about that. Hush.

I had finally decided on giving Silverfox a hand mirror. I had carved the entire thing and then had a small mirror set in. He'd deeply appreciated it —although I'm sure Mr. Peacock is getting more use out of it than Silverfox is. The others had gone over just as well. I'd even seen Talia wandering about a small green ribbon in her hair. Prideful? Me. Never.

Spring was becoming very squishy. Rain fell most days, keeping people inside and shortening tempers a bit. Well, maybe slightly more than a bit. I even found Silverfox slightly short one day. Guess he's human after all.

To say that Selenay was annoyed with me would be an understatement. The ForeSeers were still coming up with predictions of doom and gloom with me in the middle of it. What happened after all those disasters was still a mystery. I had taken to playing deaf and mute. I never responded to my name at all unless I recognized the voice and knew that it wasn't yet another harangue about the future.

I mean a couple of the Foreseers had even taken to accosting me in the halls, or outside. Wherever they could find me. About the only places I was safe were the salle —since no one messed around in there— Firesong's Vale, and my room. I really hate being confined.

Firesong and Silverfox had put off their departure to allow the land time to dry out or so they said. I got the sense from them that they were waiting to see what would happen with me. Nosy busybodies that they are.

The tension grew and grew everyday. It was crushing me. Almost literally. I kept getting a tension knot in between my shoulder blades. Silverfox often got asked to work it out. I was sure I was wearing the poor guy out. Well, just never mind. My mind didn't need that little descent into the gutter.

Tun had become a conspirator who hid me whenever someone came looking for me. Luckily no one ever suspected him of anything or if they did, neither of us heard anything of it. I loved that old man. He was a kindly uncle that everyone loves and is so guileless that he's never suspected of anything.

One pleasant —pleasant being relative— thing happened during this waiting time. My weapons skills had improved to the point that Alberich had gifted me with a sword and scabbard. If you could call that a gift. Still, he deemed _me_ good enough to carry a sharp pointy object. I was sort of flattered. I now carried them no matter where I went. The scabbard rested across my back, leaving my waist free. It looked corny. To me anyways.

However, it was great to not have that weight hanging on me around the waist. When I'd first gotten it we had tried it that way but Alberich had almost cracked a smile saying I walked crooked. I knew he was right but the way he said it had both me and the Guards present laughing. Mr. Personality cracked a joke. With a completely deadpan face. But still! A joke!

Now, I slogged across the grounds on my way toward the Royal Stables. Tun would be waiting for me to fix some of the saddles that always needed it. It was not the greatest of weather and my sour disposition reflected it. I finally made it to the Stables and knocked most of the mud off my boots. "Hey Tun, the rain let up but I think the grounds are going to stay a permanent swamp." I looked up and didn't see my friend. I wasn't worried at first. Tun often was in the back room gathering up the tack we were going to be going over that day. And if he wasn't there, he would be back shortly. I went to the back room and saw several saddles, bridles and girth straps set aside already.

The weather was slowly warming up and I knew Tun would like to soak in the warm sunshine —what there was of it. I saw a figure standing in the doorway of the tack room and made a bad assumption. "Hey Tun, wanna give me a hand? You set out more than usual. So where do you want to start? Saddles or bridles?"

"How about what the hell you're doing in the middle of every Future I've Seen?" I dropped the saddles in shock. The man in the doorway stepped in a bit more, coming out of the shadows. I didn't know him although he wore Whites. I backed up, cursing my lack of a sword. The _one_ time I forget it! But I didn't feel that I needed it here on the grounds —stupid me. I backed up and looked around. Unfortunately, I knew from bad experience that the Stables back entrance was nonexistent. I really had no way to escape from him. Still I kept backing away, wondering exactly what he wanted.

—Get your mind out of the gutter. He was a _Herald_. He'd take no for an answer.—

He followed me into the Stables, backing me into a corner. I bumped into a wall and stood there staring at him, not knowing what he wanted. I barely kept myself on my feet. Years of dealing with older brothers —all of whom were taller, stronger and, well, _larger_ than me— finally came to my rescue. "What the hell do you want?" I barked at him, keeping the tremors out of my voice only barely.

"I want an explanation as I said." He said, advancing on me. Now I had to hold my ground. The wall was at my back and there was no where left to go. "Why does all of it revolve around you?" He stepped forward again, trying to use his size against me.

There he made a slight miscalculation. He may have outweighed me by a good hundred pounds and probably could grind me into pulp if he wanted to. However, all of my brothers had been as large as he was if not larger and I could stare any of them down at any given moment. I had learned it from dear old mama. She had never been bigger than a second and Daddy was a great hulking brute of a teddy bear —why yes, we _were_ Southern. How could you tell?— (All my brothers had taken after him and I had taken after her.)

I stood there and crossed my arms, most of my fear dissolving away as I just thought of him as one of my older brothers.

—Granted he was a lot better looking than any of my brothers. But that may have been little sister prejudices talking.—

"Why should I tell you even if I knew?" I asked back. I began advancing on him. He began backing up. I think it was unconsciously. "All of you seem to think I have some idea of what is going on. Well, I don't! I have no idea what you're Seeing! So how can I know why I'm in the middle of it?"

He was now backed up to the point where I could see the outside of the Stables. There was no one in sight yet, but if I raised my voice enough I knew I could get someone to come running. "You're in it," he yelled back. Alright, maybe _he'd_ bring someone running.

He pointed a finger at me. Around us the horses started shifting nervously. A few kicked the sides of their stalls. "Everything revolves around you! No matter what happens I See you! Up until a week ago, I barely knew who you were! Still I Saw you. Floods, fires, rockslides, all of it pointing back to you! Now why don't you tell me why?" A horse neighed a little wildly but I barely registered it, being caught up in my anger.

"How can I know any of it!" I raged back. "I'm not _from _Valdemar! I'm not from this planet! Where I live I wasn't anything more important than a nanny for children! I got stuck here! Now you're raging at me because of something you Saw! You want to know what I Saw!" Although he may have thought of it as ForeSight I knew it was only my nightmares. My fears preyed on me in my dreams. "I Saw me dead, a thousand different ways! So you worry about your precious Valdemar, Herald, and leave me to live my life what little may be left of it!"

I raced past him not caring what he did to me at that point. I ran all the way back to my rooms, locking the door behind me. I heard several people yelling at me. I ignored them. When someone came pounding on my door, I ignored it. Curling up in a chair, I stared at the small fire that burned in the fireplace. Tears rolled down my cheeks, completely ignored in my misery.

How could he do that? Didn't he know that I had no idea what was going on? I was a simple nanny. A want-to-be-writer. A flake. That was it. How was I supposed to know why he saw such destruction around me?

It was time to go. I didn't know whether my heart or my hard head —or my cowardice— was telling me but I knew it was right. I gathered up what I had, including some money that I'd made selling a few of my carvings. I ripped off my clothes and changed into my traveling leathers. It was good thing they'd been delivered the week before. With luck, I could sneak out of the Palace and into Haven. Then I'd leave the city and be down the road. Come nightfall, I could be long gone.

—I've mentioned before about my luck right?—

I had almost everything packed when a roar and a thud came from my sitting room. Drawing my sword, I crept up to the bedroom door in time to have it yanked open. Firesong stood there, looking madder than a wet Firebird. Behind him were Silverfox, Elspeth and Darkwind. None of them looked very happy.

My door lay on the floor of the sitting room. Somewhere along the line, I'd forgotten that Firesong actually _was_ a powerful Adept. This goes back to the flake part.

I held my sword up, uncaring just who I was holding it on. "NO!" I screamed at them. "None of you get it! I'm leaving. Now get out of the way before anyone gets hurt!" I grabbed up my bags and held the sword out in front, tears streaming down my face. "I c-c-can't st-st-stay. Not now." I hated the fear and stutter I heard in my voice. "L-l-let me go!"

Then, I don't know what happened. I doubt anyone in that room expected what I did next. But it was just too much. I'd spent more than half a year here. My family, my life, everything had been ripped away from me. To them this was their life. To me, it was real and yet I was not supposed to be here. I wasn't supposed to be in Valdemar. Earth, America they were my home. I collapsed.

My sword clattered to the floor as I slid to the ground with a groan. It was too much. Didn't they understand? No, they didn't. They all had assumed that I had adjusted to being here but it had all been a facade. I had been playacting. Now, when time was coming to claim me, I was too overwhelmed to continue.

I didn't hit the ground; Silverfox caught me before that could happen. He tried to place me on my bed shooing the others out but I pushed away from him and tried to run. Elspeth and Firesong caught me before I could shove my way through the door. I fought them tooth and nail, screaming and kicking for them to let me go. They, of course, didn't. My voice yelled for all of my brothers by name, sobbing for my mother so far away...

I'll state here that I was thoroughly embarrassed by my actions. They treated me like nothing but a spoiled brat. Something Elspeth has experience at, but it was still mortifying.-

I couldn't tell how much time had passed, when I finally became aware of my surroundings again. Unfortunately, those surroundings were not the ones I'd hoped they were. I was still in Valdemar. In my room. I was on my bed, stripped of my leathers and my knife. I was wearing my nightclothes, under many covers. My eyes were gritty and sore. More tears welled as I thought of it all. My life, my family all gone. I was never to return to them. I must have made some noise because out of the shadows beside my bed came Silverfox, dressed in muted robes of silver and green. "Shh, ke'chara. It's alright now." He sat on the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms. I buried my face in his chest and began to sob once more. "Sweet Sarana. You should have cried long before now."

I just continued crying for however long my tears held out. Silverfox's robes became soaked with my tears. Behind me, I heard the doors of my bedroom open and close softly. I didn't care. In fact, the entire Palace could have tumbled down at that moment and I wouldn't have cared at all. My life was over and there was nothing left for me.

Soon, though, much sooner than I thought possible, the storm ended and all that was left was me with my head buried in Silverfox's chest and a very runny nose. I eased away from Silverfox and he gently handed me a handkerchief. After blowing my nose and using the damp washcloth he handed me to wipe my face, I felt drained. All emotion had been wrung out of me. There was nothing left. Silverfox was right; I should have done this long ago.

When I seemed to have quieted and I had had some of the wine he handed me, he came back and sat next to me once more, pulling me to lie in his arms so that I lay against his chest. I felt safe there and snuggled closer to be more comfortable. As my head lay against his chest, I could hear the steady rhythm of his heart. That steady thump soothed me as nothing else could. It reminded me of being a child and having a nightmare and either one of my brothers or my father coming in to comfort me and staying the rest of the night. It felt good to revert to those feelings again. Those were the times I had been safe and nothing in any world could hurt me.

"Are you ready to talk?" He asked softly. His voice reverberated in his chest, soothing me even more. I only nodded, not willing to try my voice just then. "What can you tell me of your family?"

That question started more tears but also the words. I told him a lot that I remembered and some I thought I had forgotten. He chuckled at times, hearing of my pranks on my brothers' various loves. His stroking hands comforted me as I told him of my father's death when I was in high school. He was quiet for the most part, asking questions that usually brought to mind something else entirely.

By the time I began to yawn through my remembrances, healing had begun.


	11. Chapter 11

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Disclaimer: Everything Velgarth/Valdemar related is the property of Mercedes Lackey.

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A/N: _Cat McD enjoys reviews. She really does. However, adding the words "about time" or "why is it taking you so long?" or anything to that effect makes Cat McD perverse. What that means is that those words make her step away from "I'm Where!", dump it into a folder and not touch it for a month or more. You want this written faster? Great! Cat has dishes that need done, laundry piling up and kids that need watched. Volunteers? (Note: Volunteering for this simply means Cat MCD will proceed to do as she pleases anyways and will probably bury this in a random folder somewhere anyways.)_

Chapter 11 Apologising Good byes

Several days later, I stood with my arms wrapped around me, staring out the window. A knock came on my outside door but I ignored it. Firesong and Silverfox had practically moved into my sitting room so I knew they would get it. It really was sweet of them to do it. Especially since I'm sure it curbed their retirement.

—The phrase "like rabbits" never fitted a couple more. Still, they deserved it. And they were quite willing to not make others uncomfortable (for example: me) with it.—

While I had been wrapped in my misery, the grounds had finally dried out and everyone was enjoying the warming weather. Everyone except me. I couldn't go out there. Frankly, I wasn't sure that that ForeSeer wasn't waiting for me. Or anyone else for that matter.

My bedroom door opened and I still ignored it watching the nobility promenading in the garden below. I envied them, their sense of place. I still didn't know where I belonged and I missed that sense of security. Hells. I missed my _life_. All of it. Even the pranks my brother inevitably pulled on me when we got together. I wanted so much to just go home and forget any of this had ever happened.

In fact the only sanity I had right now was due to Silverfox. Firesong had tried but, frankly, when I had been so vulnerable at first, he had scared me. Silverfox's calming, soothing presence was always there. I had begun to change my view of him slightly over these past few days. I had finally gotten past my drool fascination with him and begun to think of him as more my older brother than anything.

Granted, he was an older brother who didn't try to pour freezing cold water on me in the morning, nor did he put bugs on my plate. Yes, my brothers _still_ did things like that. And the three eldest were _married_. I despaired for their children.

Although he was still drool worthy, I just couldn't bring myself to think of him that way any longer. I still drooled privately over Firesong, but now there was easiness between the three of us that I had been faking that had become truth. The two of them were now almost my family here.

A throat was cleared behind me but I still didn't move. "I know ye be hurtin' girl but would ye at least look at me when I apologise?" Tun's rough voice broke my resistance and I turned to face him. Wait had he said apologise? "I didna know what he was goin' to say to ye. Honest I didna." I kept my mouth shut. He sounded so… distraught. "If I had thought he would hurt ye, I woulda told him to leave. But Kelath be a good lad, and one to come see an old groom of an afternoon." Like I wasn't? I didn't say it out loud. He sighed and mashed the hat that he held in his hands a bit more.

I couldn't say anything right now and just wanted him to say his piece and leave. I really was not fit company for anyone.

—Silverfox stayed near to help me through the remainder of my nightmares that still were plaguing me. Firesong stayed near as well. I didn't know whether it was concern for me or because of his lover and didn't really care. He could be and was a terribly sweet man. Yes, _him_ I still harboured a crush for.—

"I'm sorry he hurt ye girl." He sighed and smashed the hat down on his head. "I'll be returnin' to me work now. Ye're still welcome to come and see me, if ye're of a mind to." Tun's face had fallen and he turned to leave. He reminded me of a kicked puppy dog. A very tiny, pathetic, underfed puppy. I hate being made to feel guilty.

"Tun," I said quietly. I didn't want him to think that any of this had been his fault or that I blamed him for any of it. Because I didn't. Well, at least not after hearing him out.

He turned back to look at me. "None of this was your fault my friend." I said softly. He turned to look at me. "I missed too much: my life, my family, my friends. I had thought I had come to terms with being here. I was wrong." I turned to stare out the window again. Below me, brightly covered nobles walked through the gardens. There were couples, several giggling groups of girls making calf eyes at the posturing young noble men. Here and there I saw a couple sneak off into the private bowers. "I would be honoured to still call you friend and work at your side." I concluded, turning back to him. He had taken his hat off again to wring it in his hands. I liked the old man. And hurting him, just was wrong. He had been trying to help out a friend.

—I might not have done the same, but his heart was too big for me to stomp on it. I'm really a softy. Sue me.—

I walked over slowly and took the abused hat from his hands. After shaking it out into some semblance of its former shape, I gave it back. "Thank you, Tun. You are a wonderful man." I kissed his whiskered cheek and was surprised to see him blush slightly. I chuckled a bit —my first in far too long— to see him so flustered. "You can't tell me that I'm the first girl to kiss you." I teased slightly, feeling better than I had in days.

"Ye're not the first, lass, but ye're the prettiest in a long time." Now it was my turn to blush and his turn to chuckle. "I'll be looking for ye at the Stables soon, lass. There be tack to repair." I saluted him smartly and smiled as he left me.

Seeing Tun had done me more good then probably anyone except Silverfox and an Empath could detect. I had missed Tun and hadn't realized it. He hadn't needed to ask for forgiveness though. I never would have blamed him for the actions of another.

—Well, not _completely_. I mean he _had_ left me to the mercy of that nasty ForeSeer. That much I could blame him for. Sort of. Have I mentioned I'm a softy?—

So, Kelath was the name of the Herald who had attacked me. I had not asked anyone what his name was, not really sure that I wanted to know. I didn't know whether he had been expressing his own views or those of all the ForeSeers. I sighed and leaned my weary head against the window pane.

Now that I had a name, my mind had gone immediately to all the little petty revenges, embarrassing situations and nasty little vindictive things I could do to him. But I wasn't. I was a mature adult who was going to just turn the other cheek. No matter how much I wanted to glue him to a chair somewhere.

I was getting tired again. According to Firesong, I slept far too much. Which, really, was probably true. However, I ignored him. I slept when I was tired. Now matter how often it was.

I yawned punctuating that point. Silverfox walked into the room, quietly, without knocking. Then again. Why should he? Nothing exciting going on in here. "Will you be joining us for dinner?" He asked softly, seeing me standing at the window. He had been trying today to get me out of my room and I steadfastly refused. It was the first day I'd been dressed and that was only because Firesong had threatened to create a lake in my bed if I didn't at least get out of it.

Adept mages can get down right _mean_ when they want you to do something. Especially when you argue with their lover for over an hour about something and they get tired of it.

I shook my head and he sighed. "You cannot hide in here forever, Sarana." —Want to bet?— He said sadly. He came up behind me and wrapped me in his arms. I leaned back against him with a sigh of contentment. "You must rejoin the world sometime."

I shook my head, just not ready to see anyone just yet. Silverfox was safe. I knew he'd tell no one what went on in here. No matter what was said or done it never went beyond my door unless I took it there. I would never do that. It bothered me that anyone had seen me as vulnerable as they had a few days before. "I'm not ready yet, Silverfox." I whispered. I yawned again and covered my mouth with my hand. "I'm too tired tonight."

I felt him sigh against my back but not press me into anything. He gave me a gentle hug then let go of me. He turned leaving me staring out the window. "I'll bring dinner in to you then, later." I just nodded and turned back to the window, not caring that he sighed again as he let himself out. I stripped out of my clothes, and threw them onto the chair. Lying down, I let go of the real word and fell into dreams.

• • •

Have you ever had dreams and had them _nag_ at you even though you were then awake? I mean, just the insistent "you should remember what happened" in the back of your mind that _never_ goes away? Annoying isn't it?

When I startled awake —you know the kind: one moment you're asleep, the next you are _wide_ awake and ready to run a marathon— the sun was just setting, giving my room a sort of blood red glow. Not comforting, especially since I couldn't remember what my dream had been except it involved blood. _My_ blood to be specific. I like it _inside_ my body, thank you.

I could hear Silverfox and Firesong in the outer room. Their voices were a gentle murmur as I tried to figure out what had happened. What had thrown me out of sleep so quickly? Of course there was no one to answer me.

Sighing, I climbed out of bed and put my clothing back on. I bit my lip trying to decide. I was beginning to actually _miss_ eating with someone beyond me for company. And Firesong and Silverfox _were_ just outside the door.

—Procrastination is simple when you've just come off of a mental breakdown. Then again, I find procrastination simple anytime.—

Shaking myself, I cautiously opened the door. Firesong, in all his unmasked glory was picking at a plate on the table in front of him. Silverfox's back was to me. Aya was on his perch, watching the two eat avidly. Probably waiting for whatever titbits the guys would pass his way. Right on cue, Firesong passed over something small that Aya snapped up with relish.

"He's getting fat." I said, stepping out of my bedroom.

Both men looked at me startled. Thankfully, they didn't say anything. Silverfox just fixed a plate for me and motioned to a seat. I slid into it with a weak smile.

Firesong gave me a steady look. "Aya will never get fat. He is the epitome of health. Much like his bondmate."

—Firesong wasn't conceited _at all_. Still, he was so damned cute when he said things like that. Like smart-aleck prepubescent cute. He'd turn me into a toad if he knew I thought that.—

I, wisely, refrained from comment about that. Instead, I began picking at my plate. It seemed to be the thing to do since both of _them_ were doing it. In fact, watching them, they seemed to be casting furtive looks at me, and not paying attention to the food they were pushing around.

I ducked to study my plate. They were glancing at me with the same furtive looks I'd noticed from several others, before I'd collapsed. What was going on? "Is… is something wrong?" I managed to whisper. Glancing up, I caught the look exchanged between the two of them. Something _was_ up.

Firesong cleared his throat. "Sarana, we… No, _I_ feel the need to get back to the Vales. With the weather clearing, and Gating no longer possible…" He let it trail off, but I could finish it for myself.

Blinking in shock seemed to be the order of the moment. Back to the Vales? Wow. I'd never even thought of them going back. I'd just blithely assumed they'd be staying here. Self centred? Yep.

"I see." I said, softly. And I did. Didn't mean I had to like it. Pouting? Yes, I was. "When do you leave?" I asked, looking at them.

Now it was _their_ turn to blink in shock.

—I wasn't _that_ self-centred was I? Don't answer that. No, really, don't.—

Silverfox cleared his throat. "We want to be gone within the week." I nodded. The faster the better. Good travelling weather would be essential.

"Alright," I frowned at my meal. Still pushing it around, a small plan began to form in my mind. "Would it be possible for me to go with you the first day?" Again with the blinking in shock. "Just the first day. I thought maybe I could get out of Haven a bit." I smiled crookedly. "I'd even ride a talking white pony so that they'd know _exactly_ where I was."

Silverfox smiled slowly. "I think that would be just fine."

I returned the smile, looking at Firesong. He wasn't objecting. Of course, he wasn't jumping up and down with joy at the idea, either.

—Feel free to giggle at _that_ mental image. Gods know right then I was trying not to fall over laughing.—

"It would, indeed, be good for you." He said, taking on the Healer tone he slipped into every now and again. "You need sun, and a bit of exercise. Frankly, I still think you need to get _rid_ of those awful black clothes. You look like a ghost."

I groaned. It seemed Firesong had decided I was quite well enough to start the clothing harangue again. That was a double bladed knife. As he warmed to the subject, I decided it was a bladed club. Which makes no sense at all, but it seemed to fit.

"So!" I said cutting across him going on about clothing. "I'll follow you for a day?" I held up my left hand, right hand over my heart. "I solemnly swear to come straight back to Haven as fast as whichever horse, or Companion, can carry me."

Firesong nodded. Good, that was decided. A knock at the door startled us out of our talking about the road and which one we would take.

Silverfox went to get it and took the note from the servant. He brought it over to me and I saw that it bore the Royal Seal. So, it was _Official._ Which can be good or Bad. Trust me, it deserves the capital letter.

The servant was waiting for a reply, so I read it quickly. I was being Summoned. As in Royally Summoned. Immediately. Well, dinner wasn't getting eaten anyways. "Please tell her Majesty I will gladly attend her forthwith."

—Look! Coherency! And politeness! Don't get used to it. It won't last. It never does.—

I nodded in dismissal to the servant and went to get dressed, while Silverfox and Firesong did the same. Seemed they were going with me. I certainly wasn't going to complain! What the hell did Selenay want?


	12. Chapter 12

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Disclaimer: Mercedes Lackey owns all pertaining to Velgarth, Valdemar, etc.

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A/N: This is where _I'm WHERE!_ begins taking large deviations from the original. Sarana is no longer _such_ a Sue. So, let's get to it shall we?

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Chapter 12: _Bwuh? Huh? And Other Sounds of Confusion_

We made it down the hallways and through the corridors with little fuss. No one stopped us or even really noticed our passing. —I'm still not sure how we did that. Firesong, at least, should have drawn at least looks. There are some things you just never become accustomed to seeing.— Aya rode in state on Firesong's shoulder. I walked between the two gentlemen. Once we made it to the Royal quarters, I picked up my pace. I wanted to get this over with.

Selenay just _didn't_ summon me. She'd asked me to join her for dinner, or to listen to a Bard in the Court. But an out and out _summons_ just wasn't her style.

We were let into Selenay's rooms by a Royal Guardsman in silver and blue. I stepped into the room, glad that there weren't many people about. Selenay was looking out her own window much as I had been earlier. Elspeth and Darkwind stood chatting with Talia. Dirk was no where about. There was one other Herald there.

I hissed in a breath seeing who it was. Kelath stood off to the side, speaking softly with Daren. I didn't know what he was doing here since I hadn't invited him. Selenay must have. Why was the question. Silverfox stood next to me. "Are you alright?" he asked softly, when I shrank back at his side. Firesong had moved to flow onto a couch with due pomp and ceremony. I nodded jerkily. I could handle this. Maybe. Possibly.

My muscles were quivering with the need to run. Somewhere. Anywhere. Just _away_. Kelath… bothered me. To put it mildly.

Selenay turned from the window. She looked worried. That didn't bode well. Physically, I was fine; mentally, I wasn't _bad_ just… not real steady yet.

"We've heard something extremely disturbing." She started, moving from the window.

I sank next to Silverfox, wrapping my arms around myself. Disturbing didn't sound good. And was that the _Royal_ 'we'? Or the 'everyone in the room' we? Both carried their own series of risks but the Royal 'we' bothered me more than the other.

She seemed to be waiting for me to say something. Or maybe that was my imagination. But she _was_ looking at me. "Oh?" I managed to croak past a closed throat.

Selenay glanced at Kelath.

—Boo! Hiss! I _didn't_ like him. Pardon me whilst I descend into juvenility. Glue on chairs. 'Kick me' signs. Tripping in the hallways… I feel better. Slightly.—

Kelath cleared his throat. He looked uncomfortable, speaking in front of all these people. Good. Why yes. Yes, I _am_ slightly juvenile at times. Deal with it.

"Currently, there are several ForeSeers here in Haven," he began, still looking slightly uncomfortable. "None of us are very sure what exactly is going to happen, but it seems that Miss Jakeson is going to leave Haven, Companion-back and head for the Plains." Kelath fidgeted, picking imaginary pieces of lint off his Whites. Then he nodded at a dark shadow in the corner. "The Shin'a'in Ambassador agrees with me."

—Excuse me while I sit here and stare. The Shin'a'in Ambassador was a good looking gentleman of middle years. His hair was most definitely of the 'salt-and-pepper' variety, leaning hard on the 'salt' part of that. He was whipcord lean, and looked like he could trounce every single Herald in the room on the practice field and not break a sweat.

He also had a… _Presence_ about him. Like he was in this world but not. Now, I'd never seen anyone like that. Ever. It was like… he was _cloaked_ with the knowledge of his Goddess and merely tolerated us unreligious heathens.

Spooky does not begin to describe it.—

Several people were staring at me. Including the Shin'a'in Ambassador. I fidgeted next to Silverfox. If the couch would've eaten me, I would've been a very happy person right at that time. Unfortunately, the couch was just a couch and not some screwed up mage creation that could eat me.

They were _staring_ at me. Like I knew what was going on.

—Right, let's backtrack over a few facts here. I _was_ living in the United States of America. I went hiking and fell down a hill. Waking up, I found myself in a fantasy world that became my reality.

And now, apparently, someone Goddess touched, and a several people who can see possible futures, were saying that I'm going to head to _another_ part of the fantasy-reality. And they're looking at me like I know something. Who hit them with the stupid and anti-logic sticks?—

I stared at all of them, my eyes wide. "I… I… Uhh…" Articulation was not on the menu for the evening. Gulping, I kept looking from one to another. How the hells was I supposed to know what was going on!

By the looks around me, I'd said that out loud. Whoops? No, not whoops. I'd meant to do that. Honest. No, really, I did.

The Shin'a'in Ambassador cleared his throat. "You are not. None of us are. You, Sarana," his accent skewed my name slightly. I liked the way he said it. "Are simply to trust yourself, and your intuition."

Well! That's just _wonderful_ advice right there isn't it! No, I didn't say that out loud. I glanced around at everyone who was looking between myself and the Ambassador. Oops? I guess I _did_ say that out loud. It seemed a mental breakdown loosened my tongue a bit.

The Ambassador looked back at me steadily. "It is not the advice that you wish." He said softly. "But it _is_ the advice you need." There was a reproval in that tone. One that I probably, no _definitely,_ deserved.

—I was a one woman diplomatic incident waiting to happen. And no matter _what_ happened, people would probably see it as Selenay _sending_ me to the Plains. I wondered if the mages had a muzzle for wayward tongues. I was probably going to need it.—

I shook my head. It was all too much. Mental breakdown, finding out that Firesong and Silverfox were leaving, the entire "falling into a fantasy" thing… they expected coherency? And just _why_ would the Star-Eyed Goddess want _me_ on the Plains? That sounded like a reasonably safe question. So I asked.

The Ambassador cocked his head at me. "I do not question. I have been directed, and have told you of those directions. What you choose to do is your choice." There was a small smile there.

—Right, so let's review the choices here. I could follow what a _Goddess_ has told one of her chosen ones to tell me to do. Or, I could sit on my tail in Haven, probably get dragged to the Plains by some method or another, since Gods and Goddesses tend to have a way of _making_ you do what they want, and _then_ doing what She wanted. And probably having a ticked off deity behind it.

Choice? Just _what_ choice are we talking about here?

Divine retribution wasn't my idea of fun. Nor was I going to risk it. Stupid? At times. Completely _insane_? No. Or at least I tried not to be.—

I bit my lip. Then I sighed. There really wasn't a choice. "I'll go," I said softly. It dropped with all the subtly of a firecracker in the midst of beef cattle. Granted, the people in the room were a bit quieter than the cattle would have been.

Suddenly, everyone began talking about how and if I'd go alone. That subject brought another voice into it that I had _not_ wanted to hear. "I'm going with her."

Looking up from a map spread out on one of the tables, I _Stared_ at him. He wasn't serious. He couldn't be. I opened my mouth to tell him exactly what I thought of that. Unfortunately, Firesong beat me to it. "That's a good idea. A Herald would lend her more authority. She probably wouldn't be molested on the road."

I looked at Firesong. What! He was sending the _same bastard_ who had cornered me on a weeks long trip! Wait! Don't I get a say in this?

"I agree," Selenay said, deciding the issue.

Apparently, I _didn't_ get a say. Not exactly comforting. Still, who was _I_ the one to naysay a Queen?

—Alright, I'll admit that had I not been so stunned that I was doing a landed fish impression, I probably _would_ have spoken up. However, the noiseless opening and closing of my mouth was enough of an embarrassment.—

The meeting didn't last long. I had _no_ idea what I was doing planning a long trip, so I left it to those who knew about it. Namely, the Heralds, the Ambassador and whatever quartermaster they had squirreled away.

I left with Firesong and Silverfox, the three of us returning to my rooms. I simply collapsed on my bed and ignored all else. Weeks on the road, with Kelath, were staring me in the face. And they were not a pretty sight.

• • •

It took them less than two days to get everything together. Well, less than two days to put _two separate parties_ together. Which, I have to say, was impressive. Seriously. They put together things for Kelath and I _and_ for Firesong and Silverfox.

The problem I was having, was that my two gentlemen were taking the west gate out of the city. The one that led onto Exile's Road. And, eventually, led Errold's Grove and k'Valdemar Vale. The Target, as I had begun calling Kelath, and I would be taking the South Trade Road.

Now, you might think it was for his white suit that I called him a target. And you'd be _right_. I was listening to all those who had travelled that way (Such as Kero, Elspeth, and several Bolts that were in town.) and getting basic tips from them.

One of the Companions had offered to be my mount. Made me feel a bit unworthy. I would _never_ wear Whites. I knew I didn't deserve them. It didn't really bother me. But what happened if the Companion I was riding suddenly got her Call in the middle of our little sojourn?

Now, I guessed that Rolan wouldn't allow that to happen but weirder things have happened. Case in point, magical talking sword that exploded in a certain Adept's face. See? Weird.

The dawn of the third day found all of us in the saddle and headed out of Haven. Firesong, Silverfox and I exchanged hugs and then turned in our separate directions. When this was over, I felt I needed a long, extended stay at the Vales.

Hot pools, Hawk_brothers_ and _hertasi_. I'm a simple person. That was the best vacation I could think of.

I glanced down at the mare beneath me. Her hoof beats were chiming along the twisting roads of Haven at a decent pace. This early there weren't many people around. I thought it was a good thing.

She was long-legged and sleek. If she hadn't been a Companion, I would've said she'd be a good racehorse. However, since I didn't want to end up on my back in mud, dirt, or whatever, I kept that thought to myself.

Knowing her name would've been nice, though. I slid a glance at my travelling partner. _Him_, I wasn't going to ask. Period. So, as we reached the South gate out of Haven, I was riding a nameless Companion, in my own little, private thoughts.

The morning was bright, the road was stretching out ahead of us.

It was a good day.

I should've known that things couldn't last.


	13. Chapter 13

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Disclaimer: Valdemar, Velgarth, Heralds, et. al. belong to **M. Lackey**. I am merely borrowing and playing with their lives.

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Chapter 13 _Heralds shouldn't wear Black_

I knew I was getting odd looks from people who saw us go through the streets of Haven. After all Heralds wore white right? This was a constant in their world, something that could be counted on.

So, _why_, was this red head, riding what could _only_ be a Companion, wearing black?

Oh, they didn't ask the question out loud but I could just about see it popping out of their minds. Hells, if I'd been one of them, I would've been asking the same thing.

Kelath, riding his Companion, was ahead of myself and whatever-her-name-was, when we got to the South gate of the city.

The Guard simply waved us through, after giving me an assessing look, of course. After all, wearing all black and riding a Companion. Not exactly daily occurrences. I hate being stared at.

Once free of the city traffic, including the traffic going _into_ the city, the Companions picked up the pace, their hoof beats matching perfectly. I'm absolutely _sure_ they weren't doing it on purpose. And the neck arching and looking like they were on parade? Completely coincidental.

I was studying the maps given to me by someone or another. I'd forgotten who. My saddle bags were packed with my change of clothes for when we got closer to the border. After all, Rethwellan and wherever else we were passing through wouldn't recognise _me_ as a Herald. Kelath had changes of clothes as well. I wasn't sure he'd actually _wear_ the clothing.

I blinked, hearing my name. "Huh?" I asked, looking around. Like there were lots of people of around. Yep, huge crowds of them. If two talking horses and another human counted as huge crowds. Observant. That's me.

Kelath cleared his throat. I noticed his reins were lying a bit slack against his Companion's neck. "I… wanted to apologise." He said slowly. His stallion snorted, rolling one sapphire eye back to look at him. Kelath frowned down at his partner. "_Humbly_ apologise for trying to hurt you." He said, sounding anything but humble.

I snorted and turned back to my map. I wasn't going to make it easy on him. When his voice came again, he sounded like he'd lost an argument. Glancing at the rather smug looking stallion, I guessed he had.

"I really _am_ sorry, Miss Jakeson." There was a creaking of leather, but I didn't look at him. "I had no call to blame you for anything. As my Companion has pointed out, you're probably more lost than I am."

I made a mental note that I _owed_ that Companion a treat. Maybe having an external conscience was a good thing to have. Idly, I wondered if Kelath had been kicked.

What a wonderful image _that_ was! I sat and savoured it. It kept replaying like a sports reel. So lost was I in the niceness of that image that it took my Companion stopping and bucking before I realised that reality was still going on around me. I have a one track mind at times.

"What?" I looked down at the mare. There was a huffing out of her sides as she began moving again. "What!" I asked, looking completely confused.

"As I was _saying_," Kelath sounded like he was repeating himself. Oops. "I had no cause to blame you, and hope you can accept my apology."

I stared at him. A headache was beginning to build behind my eyes. This man just had _not_ asked me to accept his apology. He couldn't have. It just… didn't make sense.

Of course, I _could_ accept his apology and not forgive him. Devious. I liked it. I looked at him, allowing the Companion to go about her business. After all, she probably knew more about what was going on than I did. "Apology accepted." I said, nodding once. Turning my attention back to the maps, I decided ignoring him was best.

—Remember I said I was observant? I wish to reiterate that fact.—

It took Kelath dragging me out of the saddle before I realised that the Companions had not only stopped, but had stopped in front of an Inn that smelled like there was food to be had. My stomach was telling me of its neglect.

Kelath gave me an amused look. "Herranna and Griff would like to go get something to eat. As would I. Care to join me?"

I stared at him for a moment, not comprehending. "Food? Oh. Right." I finally managed. I straightened myself up, and looked as Kelath headed into the Inn. Herranna, I assumed that was the mare's name, apparently got tired of me standing and looking silly, because she brushed right past me, almost knocking me over.

That had better not have been a smile I saw twitching Kelath's mouth. I accepted his apology, forgiveness was a _long_ way off. Laughing at me? Not the best way to get it. He seemed to notice my glaring, and quickly opened the door to the Inn, waving me inside.

Not a chance! I waved for him to go first. I didn't know what I was doing. I mean, I've just spent the last half-year in Haven, surrounded by nobles, Heralds and Important People. And somehow, I didn't think my redneck tendencies would go over very well here.

Once inside the smoky room, and after having drawn every single stare in the place, we got our meal. I have to say it wasn't the _greatest_ food. But it was filling, it was hot, and it did stop my stomach from gnawing on my backbone. All very important things in my mind.

The sacks of pastries (something I _hadn't_ expected to see outside of Haven) that went with us, went a long way in redeeming road travel in my mind.

Sweet tooth? Nope. Sweet _teeth_. Sweets had always been my downfall. Which made it nice that I was so active. Pastries and the like tend to stick to the hips.

• • •

The road was boring. Mainly because there wasn't anyone to talk to. Herranna, as I'd finally been informed my Companion's name was, wasn't inclined to chatter. Although, I'd have sworn she was talking with Griff, because there were several times she acted like she was laughing.

Kelath was silent as well. Griff, well, him I didn't exactly expect to talk to me. After all, he _had_ a Herald. So, silence from him was to be expected. Still, I was bored. Very bored. Extremely bored. Bored to the point of counting leaves as we passed under trees, bored.

If that wasn't bored, I don't know what was.

Had I brought anything to keep my hands busy? No. Wood carving on horseback, even Companion-back, wasn't a good idea. And even sanding carvings would have been hard. It wasn't that Herranna's gait wasn't smooth —it was— it was just that, I didn't have anything to keep my hands occupied. Or my mind. Meaning, I was B-O-R-E-D. Bored.

__

:You are also loud,: a voice said in my mind.

I almost fell out of the saddle. And I yelped. Scrambling to grab at the silvery mane in front of me, I felt Herranna wince and compensate for my very bad riding.

"Something wrong?" Kelath asked, concerned as he and Griff stopped, waiting for Herranna and I.

"Who was that!" I demanded. Yes, I actually did have a brain; it just wasn't functioning very well.

"Who was what?" Kelath asked, confused.

__

:That would be me.: A rather sour voice told me. _:And you owe me a rubdown this evening. That hurt!_: Herranna turned back to look at me. _:I thought you could ride.:_

"I can!" I yelped indignantly. "I'm just not used to the horse talking to me is all." Big mistake.

__

:Horse!: Herranna yelled. _:Horse!_: She managed indignant much better than I did. She also locked her legs and stopped in the middle of the road, throwing me against the cantle of the saddle. _:Who are **you** calling a **horse**?_: She flared at me.

Damn. I knew I'd forgotten something. "Uh. Sorry?" I offered tentatively, as Kelath looked between Heranna and I completely confused. They'd ridden ahead a bit and couldn't hear what was going on. The fact that his _own_ Companion was wheezing in what could only be laughter wasn't helping matters. Or maybe I should say _Kelath_ couldn't tell what was going on.

Herranna snorted and looked down at me along her nose. I'm not quite sure how she managed that. Considering I was sitting on her back and all. _:Damn right you're sorry!_: She said, picking up an easy trot.

I sighed in relief. At least she wasn't going to punish my rear end and back with a nasty gait. "I didn't mean to insult you," I said. "It's just well… you _are_ horse-shaped." I offered lamely.

I hated being off balance again. I'd finally got my feet back underneath me, so to speak, and she'd come along and yanked the rug. Not nice at all.

She snorted again, passing Kelath and Griff. :_Really? I'd hadn't noticed._: That dry of a voice could've absorbed every rain drop that had fallen all winter long and still have been drier than a desert.

I frowned at her ears. "Now you're just being a smart ass." I said sourly. I could feel Kelath staring at me. Apparently, he hadn't heard of UnBonded people insulting Companions. Trailblazer! That's me.

Herranna, however, seemed to curve her neck just a bit more, her gait just getting a bit smoother. _:I'm glad **someone** noticed. Sarcasm seems to be a lost art.:_

Now _that_ I could readily agree with! And did. "It's a dying art. It's up to artisans such as ourselves to keep it alive." I said seriously.

__

:Absolutely!: She agreed, whole heartedly. Her steps seemed to bounce. _:I have to say though, we'll probably end up blunting ourselves on this trip. Kelath and Griff are a bit thick.:_ She said sadly.

"Really?" I asked, widening my eyes for our travelling partners' benefits. "That's a shame. Maybe we can thin them out a bit?"

Herranna glanced over at Griff and Kelath. Then she twitched her hide in what I assumed was a shrug. _:The trip isn't going to be **that** long is it?_: She asked, innocently.

I grimaced. "Long enough. But hopefully not _that_ long. Still, beggars can't be choosers." I reminded her.

Herranna made a long dramatic sigh. _:And right now we **are** the beggars.:_ An obvious look at Kelath and Griff. _:And the pickings are extremely slim.:_

Somehow, this trip was shaping up a bit better than I'd assumed.

• • •

Fate liked messing with me. Really. There was a Fate somewhere that was laughing so hard that they widdled themselves. I was utterly convinced of this.

After that first day of pretty weather, and good travelling, it all went downhill. The skies became grey, and they tinkled on us. Coldly. Persistently. Non stop. For _days_.

After the first day, Kelath and Griff began to ignore Herranna and I. We griped. We snarked. We made death threats at various deities who need to stop the bloody rain and dry us out. And we never. Shut. Up.

I had it better than 'Ranna. At least my legs weren't frozen and covered in mud. Plus, I didn't have to slog through the mess that the roads became. Hence, I made sure she got cleaned off and was completely pristine every single night before I went and dried myself out. Kelath did the same too, but 'Ranna was prettier than Griff. For some reason, she never argued with me when I said that.

Funny huh?

By the time we reached the border with Menmellith, we were sick of rain, mud, water and clouds. I'm pretty sure Kelath felt the same way. But he was quiet about it, so I didn't really know.

Of course, once we got to Menmellith, there were _mountains_ to deal with. Now, mountains and rain aren't generally a good combination. There were floods, washed out roads, hock deep water and uncertain footing to deal with. I had never respected Gating more. If only….

Still, the Storms didn't allow for that. So, we were stuck with simple walking. Well, riding. 'Ranna was the one doing all the walking.

We got to one hostel in a small mountain town. After settling our Companions and checking in, both Griff and 'Ranna informed the pair of us we were staying here. For at least three days. They were tired, sore and not moving from the warm stable for at least that long.

It was our first morning there that we realised our purses were gone. Oh. Shit.


End file.
